Wow, such great insights! I found it so interesting that Tori mentioned intentional communities re: building emotional resilience. I left church a little over 2 years ago after a long, miserable deconstruction/deconversion process and jumped almost immediately into living in an intentional community. I was desperate to have community and afraid I wouldn't find it anywhere that wasn't a church, so this non-religious community seemed like just the thing for me and my family. I love my neighbors, and a lot of the work of living life is just practically easier when they can be shared with others. A lot of healing has happened for me but HOLY HELL is it triggering for me emotionally, on both the ex-evangelical and neurodivergent fronts. I find myself falling into the same (unhealthy) relational patterns I did with church. Tori is right, people do not have the skills to live like this together even if they think they do/have done some work on themselves. I'm going to stay because I think it is a great place for my kids to grow up learning these skills, and I hope to one day be healed enough to jump into community life more, but for now I'm kinda trying to be in more of a hermit phase and prioritize taking care of myself. I would love to read more on this if Tori has said other things in this vein you could point me to, or to have conversation with other people who might have found themselves in this very specifically weird scenario lol.
Yes that part of the conversation also sparked a lot for me. I think people who are drawn to intentional communities are really beautiful and slightly idealistic people who can get crushed by the realities of being in community with people who don't know how to regulate their own emotions . . . that is definitely a part of my story. I will be mulling over how to think/talk about this in the future!
This was a rich and thought provoking conversation. Thank you both! I’m wondering about the ways that deeply shame based theology in the US has led to authoritarianism and mean tyrannical leaders and also to widespread belief in obvious disinformation. I liked Tori’s holding up of resilience and that individual change is possible. And also I am noodling the ever present western individualism trying to interact in community...
Wow, such great insights! I found it so interesting that Tori mentioned intentional communities re: building emotional resilience. I left church a little over 2 years ago after a long, miserable deconstruction/deconversion process and jumped almost immediately into living in an intentional community. I was desperate to have community and afraid I wouldn't find it anywhere that wasn't a church, so this non-religious community seemed like just the thing for me and my family. I love my neighbors, and a lot of the work of living life is just practically easier when they can be shared with others. A lot of healing has happened for me but HOLY HELL is it triggering for me emotionally, on both the ex-evangelical and neurodivergent fronts. I find myself falling into the same (unhealthy) relational patterns I did with church. Tori is right, people do not have the skills to live like this together even if they think they do/have done some work on themselves. I'm going to stay because I think it is a great place for my kids to grow up learning these skills, and I hope to one day be healed enough to jump into community life more, but for now I'm kinda trying to be in more of a hermit phase and prioritize taking care of myself. I would love to read more on this if Tori has said other things in this vein you could point me to, or to have conversation with other people who might have found themselves in this very specifically weird scenario lol.
Yes that part of the conversation also sparked a lot for me. I think people who are drawn to intentional communities are really beautiful and slightly idealistic people who can get crushed by the realities of being in community with people who don't know how to regulate their own emotions . . . that is definitely a part of my story. I will be mulling over how to think/talk about this in the future!
This was a rich and thought provoking conversation. Thank you both! I’m wondering about the ways that deeply shame based theology in the US has led to authoritarianism and mean tyrannical leaders and also to widespread belief in obvious disinformation. I liked Tori’s holding up of resilience and that individual change is possible. And also I am noodling the ever present western individualism trying to interact in community...
love this conversation and am a big fan of you both! thank you!