I almost gasped when Richie mentioned specifically being anxious to go to the car dealership alone!! 😆 I had a fight with my husband last week because I was SO overwhelmed by the prospect of handling a car repair situation on my own (calling mechanics? finding a good one? explaining my issue? asking for what I need? following up? figuring out if it’s a fair price and if I’ve gotten what I need?) and he couldn’t understand why it felt so big for me. Exactly the kind of life task that feels so hard!
When I was a teen my family didn't believe that I was truly terrified of pumping gas or returning videos at the video store . . . these tiny actions where you must interact with people? NO. add in a place where you don't know if you can take people at their word (a car dealership/mechanic)? NO THANK YOU
You mentioning pumping gas has me reexamining one of my most vivid memories through the lens of "oh that was because I'm autistic!" The first time I pumped gas by myself (my mom had shown me how, but I think she should have guided my hands instead of me just watching her), I was on a carpool trip back from fall break during my first year of college (I got my driver's license at the end of high school, barely, and I still hate driving). I remember being so preoccupied with what the students I was with thought of me, and they already thought I was weird because of my terrible driving at the beginning of fall break. When we got to the gas station I gave the girl driving my debit card to pitch in for gas but then she said, "No, you're pumping it." When I pulled the gas pump out of the car after it was full, my hand was still pressing the handle, and I got gasoline all over myself, my clothes, my face. The scent was awful. Had to change my clothes and throw the other ones away, and try to clean off in the gas station bathroom with weird electric green soap. And then when I got back in the car I tried to hold everything in as I had a panic attack because now these girls must really think I'm weird. Anyway. I have only pumped gas like once or twice since and I plan to never own a car--public transport all the way.
April, I got my driver’s license in college and got a car two years ago at 26. It’s SO OVERWHELMING. Cars are hard. I took mine to the car wash the other day and it came out still dirty and I had to ask if I could go through again, but then it was STILL dirty and I was so confused and stressed I just went home. The car is still dirty. I don’t know what they want from me.
A separate time from this I had to borrow my roommate’s car before I had one, and I went to a Starbucks drive through to get a free drink on my birthday, but her window was broken so I had to step out of the car to pay and get my drink at the window, and the car rolled away from me and ran into a light pole. CARS ARE HARD.
But we could write a BOOK about autistic people and cars apparently. 😆
It is overwhelming!!! I cannot have the radio on when I drive, and I can barely hold a conversation while driving because I realized I think for me just the act of driving is overstimulation!! All my focus is sucked up by the visual and what I need to be doing with my body.
I think the official statistics are that only 1 in 3 autistic teens get their drivers license. I hate driving and it causes me intense anxiety (I also freaked out and failed my first two driving tests in remarkable ways). And I even waited until I was out of high school to get it. My love language is Other People Driving (I’ve unfortunately had a lot of traumatic experiences on public transportation, so that doesn’t feel safe to me either!)
In college I once broke down crying because i was going to need to go to Wendy's by myself because the food service things were closed. I think my roommate broke down and went with me. Now I can do those things but the first time was so hard to deal with.... car dealership is another level of complex though!
When I was young I use to bribe my sister to go with me to the bodega and my whole family would make fun of me saying I was too old to be scared to go alone. I never understood why I hated it and would be so terrified walking alone. It was 2 mins away. I finally understood why this year
It’s big. It’s all so big. I haven’t been on an airplane since 2006 when I returned from that Bible college in Michigan. I’m afraid to fly again and especially alone. I’m afraid often but my life has often meant doing it all terrified and to them it looks like High Functioning Autism. To me it’s re-traumatizing.
I feel this way about any "formal/adult/business" phone calls I have to make. Am currently procrastinating calling a doctor to give my insurance info (my appointment is in two weeks so I have time) (I also felt nervous just figuring out how to choose a new doctor so it's already a miracle that I scheduled the appointment). When I first started the housing search for places in Seattle I felt very overwhelmed when calling properties.
I just recently moved, and I need to start over all those things. Find a doctor, a dentist (I haven’t been to the dentist in years. My teeth might be useless at this point?), maybe a therapist. But HOW do people do those things? I wish adult moves came with informational flyers like when kids start college, with all the contacts and resources around campus. Good job finding a doctor! That is a big achievement.
So excited to listen to this (do not have time today, it's the day before I move so I have a lot to do) and so happy that Richie got to talk with you. DL, the link you put for the podcast is correct, but the text should say "Reclaiming the Garden," not "Back to the Garden." Thanks! Also if folks want to listen on other platforms and not just Apple Podcasts, you can click this link to listen on the Anchor site or go from that site to Spotify or other platforms: https://anchor.fm/reclaimingthegarden
Next week me and my co-host Anna are recording with Richie for their podcast Surviving Fundamentalism! It's going to be a lot of fun.
Thank you so much April and I'm sorry for getting the title wrong!!!! My brain is so annoying. And I don't think there is a way to edit substack posts once they are published (or am I wrong? this is making me anxious!)
Anyways I'm SO THRILLED you introduced me to the wonderful voice of Richie X :)
The way you both talked about masking in this was so helpful and insightful for me. Masking is a coping mechanism, a tool, a skill, a trauma response that I have definitely used. But the mask also became my identity and I absorbed the values and shame that came along with it. I'm already planning on listening a second time and taking more notes!
Listening to this really made me think about how a lot of my extended family (both sides with a lot of Autistic, high sensitivity traits) seems to gravitate toward the church and conservatism because I think that acceptable behaviors and roles are so much more clear there so masking is easier, and the black and white thinking makes understanding things easier.
I cannot wait to dig into your podcast Richie! I downloaded all the episodes today. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably!
Thank you for providing a transcript! Some days trying to listen to content with my auditory processing disorder is like having alphabet soup thrown at me. I can do it, but transcripts are usually much easier.
And thank you so much for sharing your story Richie ❤️
I am not sure, but I'll think about it and let you know if I come up with anything! (I pretty much never get content from podcasts, I usually read or watch TV with subtitles on.)
Thank you for the inclusivity of the transcript! This broke some things open in me. Thank you and Richie too for being companions on my journey as I discover through your sharing some of the ways I’ve masked/am masking. All the feels. And I’m looking forward to (strange but true) learning about autistic burnout because I know that’s part of my story and I don’t know others with whom to relate. The relating, I’m learning, is helping me to uncover/discover/start to excavate. All the feels and ultimately gratitude.
I cannot WAIT to write about autistic burnout but I think there are a few things we need to cover before then. But yes. I get feeling excited to get to talk about that with other people who know exactly what you mean when you say that.
Ok, now I was finally able to give this a listen--"it [church community] saved my life but it also fucked me up." I resonate with that so much, Richie.
I'm looking forward to more episodes of this pod!!!
This was a wonderful interview! RichieX is a beautiful human. I was brought to tears multiple times from things they expressed that I deeply related to. Especially the discussion on the mental/nervous system breakdowns. The burnout is sooo relatable to me. I also loved their description of masking. The more I hear people describe masking the more I notice it in myself.
I almost gasped when Richie mentioned specifically being anxious to go to the car dealership alone!! 😆 I had a fight with my husband last week because I was SO overwhelmed by the prospect of handling a car repair situation on my own (calling mechanics? finding a good one? explaining my issue? asking for what I need? following up? figuring out if it’s a fair price and if I’ve gotten what I need?) and he couldn’t understand why it felt so big for me. Exactly the kind of life task that feels so hard!
When I was a teen my family didn't believe that I was truly terrified of pumping gas or returning videos at the video store . . . these tiny actions where you must interact with people? NO. add in a place where you don't know if you can take people at their word (a car dealership/mechanic)? NO THANK YOU
EXACTLY. Maybe the threat of being deceived / taken advantage of is extra big for autistic people? Nightmare.
You mentioning pumping gas has me reexamining one of my most vivid memories through the lens of "oh that was because I'm autistic!" The first time I pumped gas by myself (my mom had shown me how, but I think she should have guided my hands instead of me just watching her), I was on a carpool trip back from fall break during my first year of college (I got my driver's license at the end of high school, barely, and I still hate driving). I remember being so preoccupied with what the students I was with thought of me, and they already thought I was weird because of my terrible driving at the beginning of fall break. When we got to the gas station I gave the girl driving my debit card to pitch in for gas but then she said, "No, you're pumping it." When I pulled the gas pump out of the car after it was full, my hand was still pressing the handle, and I got gasoline all over myself, my clothes, my face. The scent was awful. Had to change my clothes and throw the other ones away, and try to clean off in the gas station bathroom with weird electric green soap. And then when I got back in the car I tried to hold everything in as I had a panic attack because now these girls must really think I'm weird. Anyway. I have only pumped gas like once or twice since and I plan to never own a car--public transport all the way.
April, I got my driver’s license in college and got a car two years ago at 26. It’s SO OVERWHELMING. Cars are hard. I took mine to the car wash the other day and it came out still dirty and I had to ask if I could go through again, but then it was STILL dirty and I was so confused and stressed I just went home. The car is still dirty. I don’t know what they want from me.
A separate time from this I had to borrow my roommate’s car before I had one, and I went to a Starbucks drive through to get a free drink on my birthday, but her window was broken so I had to step out of the car to pay and get my drink at the window, and the car rolled away from me and ran into a light pole. CARS ARE HARD.
But we could write a BOOK about autistic people and cars apparently. 😆
💛💛
It is overwhelming!!! I cannot have the radio on when I drive, and I can barely hold a conversation while driving because I realized I think for me just the act of driving is overstimulation!! All my focus is sucked up by the visual and what I need to be doing with my body.
Do you have social media? Would love to connect
I think the official statistics are that only 1 in 3 autistic teens get their drivers license. I hate driving and it causes me intense anxiety (I also freaked out and failed my first two driving tests in remarkable ways). And I even waited until I was out of high school to get it. My love language is Other People Driving (I’ve unfortunately had a lot of traumatic experiences on public transportation, so that doesn’t feel safe to me either!)
Yes! Looking you up. My Instagram is @krystianaspractice
In college I once broke down crying because i was going to need to go to Wendy's by myself because the food service things were closed. I think my roommate broke down and went with me. Now I can do those things but the first time was so hard to deal with.... car dealership is another level of complex though!
When I was young I use to bribe my sister to go with me to the bodega and my whole family would make fun of me saying I was too old to be scared to go alone. I never understood why I hated it and would be so terrified walking alone. It was 2 mins away. I finally understood why this year
exactly. those things never made logical "sense" !
It’s big. It’s all so big. I haven’t been on an airplane since 2006 when I returned from that Bible college in Michigan. I’m afraid to fly again and especially alone. I’m afraid often but my life has often meant doing it all terrified and to them it looks like High Functioning Autism. To me it’s re-traumatizing.
I feel this way about any "formal/adult/business" phone calls I have to make. Am currently procrastinating calling a doctor to give my insurance info (my appointment is in two weeks so I have time) (I also felt nervous just figuring out how to choose a new doctor so it's already a miracle that I scheduled the appointment). When I first started the housing search for places in Seattle I felt very overwhelmed when calling properties.
I just recently moved, and I need to start over all those things. Find a doctor, a dentist (I haven’t been to the dentist in years. My teeth might be useless at this point?), maybe a therapist. But HOW do people do those things? I wish adult moves came with informational flyers like when kids start college, with all the contacts and resources around campus. Good job finding a doctor! That is a big achievement.
So excited to listen to this (do not have time today, it's the day before I move so I have a lot to do) and so happy that Richie got to talk with you. DL, the link you put for the podcast is correct, but the text should say "Reclaiming the Garden," not "Back to the Garden." Thanks! Also if folks want to listen on other platforms and not just Apple Podcasts, you can click this link to listen on the Anchor site or go from that site to Spotify or other platforms: https://anchor.fm/reclaimingthegarden
Next week me and my co-host Anna are recording with Richie for their podcast Surviving Fundamentalism! It's going to be a lot of fun.
Thank you so much April and I'm sorry for getting the title wrong!!!! My brain is so annoying. And I don't think there is a way to edit substack posts once they are published (or am I wrong? this is making me anxious!)
Anyways I'm SO THRILLED you introduced me to the wonderful voice of Richie X :)
Hahaha there is a way. I do it all the time cause I have a silly brain too
great interview! thanks both of you
The way you both talked about masking in this was so helpful and insightful for me. Masking is a coping mechanism, a tool, a skill, a trauma response that I have definitely used. But the mask also became my identity and I absorbed the values and shame that came along with it. I'm already planning on listening a second time and taking more notes!
Listening to this really made me think about how a lot of my extended family (both sides with a lot of Autistic, high sensitivity traits) seems to gravitate toward the church and conservatism because I think that acceptable behaviors and roles are so much more clear there so masking is easier, and the black and white thinking makes understanding things easier.
I cannot wait to dig into your podcast Richie! I downloaded all the episodes today. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably!
Thank you for providing a transcript! Some days trying to listen to content with my auditory processing disorder is like having alphabet soup thrown at me. I can do it, but transcripts are usually much easier.
And thank you so much for sharing your story Richie ❤️
I’m so glad it was helpful! I’d be curious to know if there are ways to edit the transcript to make it more readable! I’m very open to feedback!
I am not sure, but I'll think about it and let you know if I come up with anything! (I pretty much never get content from podcasts, I usually read or watch TV with subtitles on.)
Thank you so much for listening. All the best to you on your journey ♥️
Thank you for the inclusivity of the transcript! This broke some things open in me. Thank you and Richie too for being companions on my journey as I discover through your sharing some of the ways I’ve masked/am masking. All the feels. And I’m looking forward to (strange but true) learning about autistic burnout because I know that’s part of my story and I don’t know others with whom to relate. The relating, I’m learning, is helping me to uncover/discover/start to excavate. All the feels and ultimately gratitude.
I cannot WAIT to write about autistic burnout but I think there are a few things we need to cover before then. But yes. I get feeling excited to get to talk about that with other people who know exactly what you mean when you say that.
waiting for that one... !!!!!
Awww... I think I’ll get to work on that piece soon. Be on the lookout.
Thank you, Richie!
Ok, now I was finally able to give this a listen--"it [church community] saved my life but it also fucked me up." I resonate with that so much, Richie.
I'm looking forward to more episodes of this pod!!!
This was a wonderful interview! RichieX is a beautiful human. I was brought to tears multiple times from things they expressed that I deeply related to. Especially the discussion on the mental/nervous system breakdowns. The burnout is sooo relatable to me. I also loved their description of masking. The more I hear people describe masking the more I notice it in myself.