Holidays, Unmasked

dispatches from the end of a pretty raw year

This essay is just for paid subscribers this week. If you would like to join our community, we would love to have you!

If you had your wishes, what would a dream holiday celebration look like for you? What would your dream day look like? And why is it sometimes so damn hard to ask that question of ourselves? I think if you are a late or undiagnosed autistic person it is so difficult to ask for or even think of accommodations for yourself, because up until know your life has revolved around you ignoring your own needs in order to please others (especially around the holidays!!!)

People in your life might wish you would stop exploring yourself and your needs, because they liked you better when you went along with the family system or the cultural traditions or whatever. There is a lot of cultural pressure to have holidays look a certain way (thanks, Coca-Cola!), and neurodivergent people--whether they are diagnosed or not--often bear the brunt of having to experience pain and discomfort and overwhelm in order for others to keep celebrating as usual. 

In 2022, it’s not just about cultural specific traditions that overwhelm, it’s also about acknowledging the reality that so many people--especially people who have family in high control religions like white evangelicalism--are experiencing conflict¹. Finances are tight. Society is experiencing rapid social change. Relationships are fraught, and you might feel uncomfortable pretending everything is fine or feel unsafe being around people who have violent ideology and theology. 

Anyways, I just wanted to pop in real quick and say: if you have big (and conflicted) feelings about this week, you most certainly aren’t alone. I can’t promise you much, but I can promise you that. So many people are struggling right now, and that includes me.