I am blubber crying feeling this writing so deeply. I haven’t had a moment of sharing my autisticness (yet), but what she writes about time “away” to realize things — that resonates deeply.
My kids were talking back and forth late one night recently, imagining what life would have been like had there never been Covid-19. They talked about finding so much of themselves in the past four years that they don’t think they would have found if they hadn’t had this time to explore what they like and don’t like (to simplify). It has been a pivotal time for us.
Right there with you. The global season of pause has been such a challenge that spilled forth so many gifts. So many moments of pause that most don't go looking for. But when the questions and the space is forced upon us, it does seem like many have made good use of this season to grow. Cheering you on in every square inch of your autisticness!
This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t wait to read more of your writing. I’ve been learning about my own neuroexpansiveness and how to support myself in that. Your story is really helpful and encouraging.
Such a good question. Short story. I resonated with the empath community for years. You get it. We feel SO deeply. My love of writing and poetry led me to believe I was also deeply emotionally intelligent because I could write about emotions. But once the autistic world opened up and I found a more holistic resonance there, I wrestled with the alexithymia piece for awhile. I'm learning (through somatic experiencing) how emotions move through my body and how to listen differently to them. I've written about it in some of my Substack posts. It was eye-opening to see how hard it was to understand many of my emotions. Especially because I'd assumed since I felt the emotions of others (and myself) so strongly, that must mean I'm good at this! Weird journey. :)
I can't wait to read more of your posts about it. I've always felt like an empath, but I don't know if that means autism in a way that isn't being captured fully yet, or a sensory seeking, highly sensitive, empathic person with ADHD. I love hearing others' stories and explorations of this.
Thank you, Jenny. I’m so glad to read that you’ve found a community that is accepting and loving for you to continue your vocation 💗 and the sensory room for the youth 😍😍 so cool!
Thanks! We dream of every human finding spaces they get to work out their full humanity, right? What a gift. It's not perfect. At all. But it's a good start.
Jenny, your poem and experience made me tear up. As an AuDHD, OCD adult, your words on shame, love, and acceptance really speak to me. Thank you for sharing.❤️I’m so glad you’re thriving.
Thank you for reaching out. This stuff is so powerful for our community, isn't it? For others to understand the glimpses inside our bodies that we ran from for so long. Glad to journey together.
...the absolute terror that no one will believe me. Ugh, this is representative of the first 50 years of my life.
Jenny, thank you so much for sharing with us here.
The pandemic was a time of great reflection for myself. It wasn’t easy and it’s ongoing for sure. I’m living my most authentic self in safe spaces. Slowly coming out as autistic in the wider community. Only recently have I been able to actually hear my body. Listening and honouring what she needs has been liberating.
I’ve served on church leadership, occasionally preaching; when you talked about prioritizing accommodations in that setting it took my breath away. It’s something I’ve never tried to imagine for myself. My body’s “no” to that setting is pretty loud and resolute (even mentioning my history has me recoiling), but your story will help me imagine a more expansive future. Instead of an automatic no to all the things I used to do, is there room for a “yes, with accommodations”?
What a profound possibility to sit with. Where have we assumed our fullest self with accommodations is absolutely unwelcome? What if it's not true? Oof. Honored to journey alongside each other. Will follow your writing journey.
I learned that lesson in my childhood home, unfortunately, then carried that assumption into every other space I walked into for decades. It’s only been in the last very short while that I’ve been able to acknowledge the toll this has taken on my body. I’m now more open with my neurodivergence and listen to my body when it tells me how it feels about being in certain places. The most I listen and respect the wisdom I’m already carrying, the more my nervous system learns to unwind itself. It’s been a very interesting, challenging, rewarding experience.
I appreciate your essay, Jenny! I am being my full self more and more, and it's easiest and safest at home and with my closest friends. I'm realizing that echolalia of sounds brings me great joy. As does (of course!) the freedom of being my ever more whole self.
Oh, I LOVE that your body gets to enjoy a little more freedom each day. Discovering the gift of autistic joy has changed my life. I had no idea it was okay to feel all these good things running around my brain.
I asked my sister for Loop earplugs for my birthday last year. I've never had the "hey I think I'm autistic" talk with her aside from talking about sensory sensitivities we both have, but honestly, she probably figured it out years ago, LOL. She's smart and insightful like that. (She's also self-diagnosed ADHD, and our brother is most likely autistic too. I don't know what's stopping me from just *having the conversation* with either one of them, aside from the chaos that usually happens when we're together and my very energetic five-year-old takes everyone's attention, haha.)
I hope the conversation (whenever it happens) is full of connection and honesty and grace. When I told one of my friends, she said, "How can I help you unmask in our friendship so you can feel most fully yourself?" SO healing!
We had to sell our home and move 3000kms from family and friends. The separation was hard but necessary in so many ways. I could not have survived if I had to keep working. My hope was that my kids would be able to witness what freedom (from the neurotypical treadmill) looks like. Where living a life that works for your whole self is possible.
I am blubber crying feeling this writing so deeply. I haven’t had a moment of sharing my autisticness (yet), but what she writes about time “away” to realize things — that resonates deeply.
My kids were talking back and forth late one night recently, imagining what life would have been like had there never been Covid-19. They talked about finding so much of themselves in the past four years that they don’t think they would have found if they hadn’t had this time to explore what they like and don’t like (to simplify). It has been a pivotal time for us.
Right there with you. The global season of pause has been such a challenge that spilled forth so many gifts. So many moments of pause that most don't go looking for. But when the questions and the space is forced upon us, it does seem like many have made good use of this season to grow. Cheering you on in every square inch of your autisticness!
Thank you! ❤️
This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t wait to read more of your writing. I’ve been learning about my own neuroexpansiveness and how to support myself in that. Your story is really helpful and encouraging.
I’d also love to hear more about your empath vs alexthymia experience with autism. 💛
Such a good question. Short story. I resonated with the empath community for years. You get it. We feel SO deeply. My love of writing and poetry led me to believe I was also deeply emotionally intelligent because I could write about emotions. But once the autistic world opened up and I found a more holistic resonance there, I wrestled with the alexithymia piece for awhile. I'm learning (through somatic experiencing) how emotions move through my body and how to listen differently to them. I've written about it in some of my Substack posts. It was eye-opening to see how hard it was to understand many of my emotions. Especially because I'd assumed since I felt the emotions of others (and myself) so strongly, that must mean I'm good at this! Weird journey. :)
Wow this is giving me SO much to think about!!!!
I can't wait to read more of your posts about it. I've always felt like an empath, but I don't know if that means autism in a way that isn't being captured fully yet, or a sensory seeking, highly sensitive, empathic person with ADHD. I love hearing others' stories and explorations of this.
Thank you, Jenny. I’m so glad to read that you’ve found a community that is accepting and loving for you to continue your vocation 💗 and the sensory room for the youth 😍😍 so cool!
Thanks! We dream of every human finding spaces they get to work out their full humanity, right? What a gift. It's not perfect. At all. But it's a good start.
Jenny, your poem and experience made me tear up. As an AuDHD, OCD adult, your words on shame, love, and acceptance really speak to me. Thank you for sharing.❤️I’m so glad you’re thriving.
Thank you for reaching out. This stuff is so powerful for our community, isn't it? For others to understand the glimpses inside our bodies that we ran from for so long. Glad to journey together.
...the absolute terror that no one will believe me. Ugh, this is representative of the first 50 years of my life.
Jenny, thank you so much for sharing with us here.
The pandemic was a time of great reflection for myself. It wasn’t easy and it’s ongoing for sure. I’m living my most authentic self in safe spaces. Slowly coming out as autistic in the wider community. Only recently have I been able to actually hear my body. Listening and honouring what she needs has been liberating.
Such freedom. Mixed with such terror. It's a wild ride, isn't it? Glad to journey together!
I’ve served on church leadership, occasionally preaching; when you talked about prioritizing accommodations in that setting it took my breath away. It’s something I’ve never tried to imagine for myself. My body’s “no” to that setting is pretty loud and resolute (even mentioning my history has me recoiling), but your story will help me imagine a more expansive future. Instead of an automatic no to all the things I used to do, is there room for a “yes, with accommodations”?
Wow. I sense such possibility here that my body still doesn’t quite trust. But the possibility is there.
Same! Big “nope nope nopes!” happening in my body, but holding the question playfully feels like a good place to start.
What a profound possibility to sit with. Where have we assumed our fullest self with accommodations is absolutely unwelcome? What if it's not true? Oof. Honored to journey alongside each other. Will follow your writing journey.
Thank you so much! I find the idea of a neuro-affirming church so comforting. It means a lot to have you following along with my writing journey!
I learned that lesson in my childhood home, unfortunately, then carried that assumption into every other space I walked into for decades. It’s only been in the last very short while that I’ve been able to acknowledge the toll this has taken on my body. I’m now more open with my neurodivergence and listen to my body when it tells me how it feels about being in certain places. The most I listen and respect the wisdom I’m already carrying, the more my nervous system learns to unwind itself. It’s been a very interesting, challenging, rewarding experience.
I appreciate your essay, Jenny! I am being my full self more and more, and it's easiest and safest at home and with my closest friends. I'm realizing that echolalia of sounds brings me great joy. As does (of course!) the freedom of being my ever more whole self.
Oh, I LOVE that your body gets to enjoy a little more freedom each day. Discovering the gift of autistic joy has changed my life. I had no idea it was okay to feel all these good things running around my brain.
Love all of this and resonate with it so much. <3 Thank you for sharing your story, Jenny! So much wisdom here.
Thank you, Kandi! I love the name of your Substack too! ;)
Haha, great minds think alike, I guess!
I asked my sister for Loop earplugs for my birthday last year. I've never had the "hey I think I'm autistic" talk with her aside from talking about sensory sensitivities we both have, but honestly, she probably figured it out years ago, LOL. She's smart and insightful like that. (She's also self-diagnosed ADHD, and our brother is most likely autistic too. I don't know what's stopping me from just *having the conversation* with either one of them, aside from the chaos that usually happens when we're together and my very energetic five-year-old takes everyone's attention, haha.)
I hope the conversation (whenever it happens) is full of connection and honesty and grace. When I told one of my friends, she said, "How can I help you unmask in our friendship so you can feel most fully yourself?" SO healing!
What an honor to connect our stories in this space. I love that you are creating a life that fits who you actually are. What a freaking gift!
Dana I relate to this so much.
We had to sell our home and move 3000kms from family and friends. The separation was hard but necessary in so many ways. I could not have survived if I had to keep working. My hope was that my kids would be able to witness what freedom (from the neurotypical treadmill) looks like. Where living a life that works for your whole self is possible.
Thanks for sharing!