This sounds like an oddly specific rec for a niche group, but it is NOT: everyone should read Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda J. Brown. You think "a book specifically about Black asexuality? That doesn't sound very useful to antifacism" but it is, I promise it is. Resisting compulsory sexuality from an intersectional lens will have you thinking about allllll the ways we are forced into the authoritarian boxes, even to the most intimate parts of our identities. It is mind-blowing how all of this is so connected, down to cisheteropatriachy being so crucial to fascism because of that last footnote with reproductive control. It's all a huge system.
hoooooooo boy that books sounds incredible. Love the connections you are making! I would love to chat with you someday about this because a lot of the psychology of fascism does revolve around how pivotal sexual repression is to fascism and I honestly don't know what to make of it all!
Oh my gosh! I ordered this book on your recommendation. Thank you! I’m taking it slow to let it all sink in. I whole heartedly echo your “mind-blowing”.
Daily journaling has been helping me keep a pulse on my inner voice. I decided at the beginning of this year to write at least one word every day from the space where I authentically feel, just to get to know myself. Initially I tended to poetically play on an image. Recently my journaling has turned toward narrative, where I’m getting to know a magical inner landscape, and if I’m in a dysregulated state I wind up in the cabin of an old crone who compassionately talks things over with me while brewing and serving medicinal tea.
I recently started daily yoga for mild low back pain (now gone, yoga and different sandals were just what I needed) and was surprised how good it felt to move my body in strange, unfamiliar ways. It feels like it helps me more fully inhabit my strange unfamiliar self, so I’m continuing the daily practice. I love how it can be adjusted to meet my energy levels: yin for sleepy or exhausted days, vinyasa for high energy days.
A phrase I’ve adopted that helps me return to my body when my 4-year-old or husband trigger dysregulation is “I welcome the stranger.” I think it came to me while journaling one time, that stranger-welcome is a more poignant metaphor for my life than neighbor-love. As my daughter moves through her own mysterious desires and barriers welcoming her as a stranger helps release my impulse for control. As my husband remains firmly in a faith I’m shifting away from (and sometimes reacts with discomfort to my shift), regarding us as strangers--with different inner worlds, triggers, processes for managing our triggers, is helpful and refreshing (this, btw, doesn’t resolve the looming question of whether our marriage will survive, but it’s a helpful frame to regulate myself as we navigate a bumpy patch). It just felt so freeing one evening to realize when I sit at the table with my family, we are coming together not only as a family, but as three strangers! After reading your piece I’m now wondering if allowing us to be strangers to one another undermines the fascist agenda for the family.
Most importantly though, welcoming the stranger is welcoming my strange unfamiliar self. Being undiagnosed PDA and CPTSD (how was i to know? I grew up in Such A Great Christian Family!), as well as aro-ace, I’ve spent most of my life distancing myself from my inner reactions in order to participate in life and society. Welcoming the stranger allows me to say, “I don’t know why I feel trapped when I play with my daughter, or why rage is suddenly shooting through my body, or why I obsessively plan for divorce every time my husband misunderstands me, but I’m allowed to feel this way! There is internal coherence to my nervous system response, that doesn’t fit dominant narratives, but is allowed! I’m allowed to be a stranger in this world, and carve out my own path to safety, and love in more authentic ways!” All of this is contained in the phrase I whisper to myself, and helps me return to my body with compassionate curiosity, which facilitates my return to parenting or conversing from a more regulated state.
Shaina, once again your writing has moved me so much. I have hurt myself in the past by my desperate desire to love my neighbors, and I am slowly learning more holistic ways of understanding my relationship to other human beings. The stranger line is SO compelling to me. It allows for curiosity instead of fear. Thank you so much for sharing all of this!
Welcoming the stranger. Yes. I like that it acknowledges that we all are strangers to each other--even/especially family members. And ourselves as you say. Thanks for this
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I've fallen out of daily journaling, but I feel encouraged to return to it from reading what you say about "getting to know a magical inner landscape;" I think I need to find my own attentive and caring inner crone (or whatever the part of me is that's able to be attentive and compassionate to me).
And as others have said, welcoming the stranger is such a powerful and beautiful concept. I plan to carry this with me, especially on days when my own c-ptsd is triggered and I suddenly am overwhelmed with emotions that feel mismatched from what's going on around me.
Lastly, I'm a fellow aroace person! I love finding us out in the wild, and I think some of our experiences in the world, and especially within a christian subculture, can be particularly unique or challenging. Glad you're finding space to explore, understand, and care for yourself.
I recently read Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski and found it to be amazingly eye opening in terms of regulating stress and emotions. The audio book read by the authors was lovely to listen to.
Thank you for this. I am a middle school special ed Para and we are just getting started in our school year. I am SO thankful for the very small school district in which I work. They are committed to belonging through dignity. (That's our 'theme' this year. Yesterday was our first staff and teacher day (school starts after Labor Day.) and I came home excited. But I'm finishing up reading "Girls and Their Monsters" and I should say it probably wasn't a great choice for the first week of school. I kept thinking of you as I read it but last night, I had really horrible and difficult dreams. I'm also grieving the loss of my beloved husband. SIgh. It's a lot. I am going to bring up some of your suggestions to my therapist tomorrow. I've been following you forever and wish we lived close but even if we did, I think we'd be the kind of acquaintances that text and send memes rather than meet in person for a walk in the woods. :) Your journey is very similar to mine and I perceive a closeness that is parasocial. I am just thankful for your and your voice and place in this world.
thank you for sharing those two articles you wrote a while back. I loved reading them!
I just got Refusing Compulsory Sexuality from the library so thank you for recommending that Jenna!
Songwriting/poetry has been a lifeline for me. I do want to engage with more somatic practices but just keep putting it off but I know it will be so helpful and is absolutely necessary if I am going to heal! thank you for the reminder!!
song-writing is incredibly somatic! so you might be already doing what your body needs . . . I am trying to sing a bit more these days, because it's something I stopped doing when I left church. I used to play guitar and I have been wondering if I should fix it up again and try and do some singing of protest songs/songs that restore my faith in humanity.
It has been so therapeutic to get all my emotions and anger out writing about the systems that hurt me and feeling all the emotions that I have kept underground for so long. Meeting with a local musician next week who has all the gear and am finally going to publish at least one of my songs soon!
I am constantly on the lookout for other musicians who are writing about these things. I did like the recommendation recently from someone on the facebook group about Joseph. A few of their songs have been so refreshing and validating.
Meditation for me has been a lifesaver over the last decade. Specifically, the work of Plum Village and Thich Nhat Hanh. Capitalism has soured mediation for a lot of people by commodifying it to all hell. Plum Village is a Buddhist monastery and does not have a profit motive. Their focus on meditations and teachings to help heal trauma have been huge for me. It also helps that meditation has peer reviewed scientific studies proving efficacy.
Thich Nhat Hanh’s book on fear was pivotal for me! Learning to breathe through existential fear--let it move through my body changed my life in a very deep, fundamental way. I sometimes wonder if Christianity would be less inclined towards fascism if it included practices for allowing and processing existential fear--instead of “nope! We’re above those silly feelings, because we’re going to live FOREVER! And there’s nothing horrific about that, even though it feels more horrific than death. It’s going to be great!” Then you have a dysregulated religion founded on a gaping spiritual crisis.
Completely agree. Eternal life and heaven are both an excuse to treat the "other" like a subhuman and is also completely terrifying if you think critically about it. One of the things I love about Buddhism, and engaged Buddhism specifically, is letting things simply come and go, and how we can make social efforts and movements a mindful practice as well.
Can I just say this entire exchange is bringing me to tears? I struggle SO much with feeling like I am alone (or that I am going "crazy"--sorry to use that word, it's the one my brain uses). When deep down I just want to learn how to live a better life where I can be better to others! And I feel like I can't do that without interrogating all the ways I was socialized to "deal" with my bad feelings (that didn't actually ever deal with them!). Thank you both for chatting about these topics!
Thank you DL! That loneliness was how I felt for sooooooo long before I discovered therapy, meditation, and critically that I was undiagnosed ASD. It was like, "oh! There are others like me and I am not a broken, worthless piece of trash". I still struggle with those thoughts and feelings, but at least I have tools now. Reading this substack and your podcasts has been a valuable source of revelation for me in that ongoing journey.
I’m in a rather conservative province in Canada and have been following US news and politics since, oh, 2015. Even from here it was hard to believe what was coming out of what would become 45’s mouth and that the Christian’s were ok with it. It was baffling to me. What happens in the US typically happens here a few years later. It’s easy to spot the similarities if your looking and I think even when your not. We recently returned to our province of origin (every few months we go back) and billboards you would never see before have popped up. The same things exist here we have just been more typically polite about them. The pandemic divided a lot and now the groundwork is being laid. My body and my nervous system are well aware there is no place safe that I am and need to be that place for me.
As for somatics there is ice packs at the ready, my feet in the grass, I’ve been know to shake my arms out or dance spontaneously. I hurt my knees doing yoga in April and my $ has been spent on physio since. I’m not even sure I could find a somatic therapist where I live. Pretty much the entire region is in trauma denial among other things. I have an allergic reaction to hemp and a fear of addiction or losing myself (which needs to be explored) or I’d be all over gummies.
I know a lot of people who don't respond well to THC (it causes them extreme anxiety) and I am sad for them! But luckily there are so many different coping mechanisms. I have always wondered about the true differences between Canada and the US. According to the Democracy Index Canada is a bit higher than the US (ranking 24 versus 36), but that is honestly not a huge difference! https://www.democracymatrix.com/ranking
I haven't seen this before but I'm not surprised. Traditionally Canadians pride themselves on not being like Americans (unless they are ultra-conservative, like some people I know, in which case the U.S. does everything better). Historically power has been mainly in the hands of the elite (we are after all a British colony that did not rebel); however cultivating a sense of national identity based on how we are better than Americans is useful for the powerful, because it keeps people complacent and not noticing that other countries are doing better! There are definitely regional differences though (I'm from central Canada).
Jen, I agree that Covid accelerated division here and it feels bad and scary.
I am not in the U.S, but I see much the same things are happening in Canada, so what you are noticing and writing seems relevant and important. Thank you for saying it. I'm also glad you are finding ways to take care of yourself. I am working on undoing some of the personal enmeshment, and it's hard! As for what helps: this is kind of intense but I sometimes find it helpful to read about historical resistance movements, who the people were and how they came together and why they succeeded or failed.
Yes! I can now look back at my obsession with Dorothy Day (specifically with her starting her radical paper in 1933) as being so helpful for these times! Do you have any favorite books in that genre?
One of the first books of this kind to make an impact on me was Sophie Scholl and the White Rose. I'm currently reading Assata: An Autobiography by Assata Shakur.
I just got assata from my local library for the same reason! It’s the same reason I’ve been binge watching/reading about escaping cults too. My husband was confused/concerned and I was trying to explain how comforting it is to read about people who got out!
Aug 29, 2023·edited Aug 29, 2023Liked by D.L. Mayfield
Danielle (and others with experience in somatic therapy), have you done EMDR? If so, how does it compare with somatic therapy?
My therapist and I have been “doing EMDR” for several months now— but we haven’t gotten to the actual eye movement processing part yet bc it is taking me SO LONG to get through the preparatory stages. I’m not even sure if I’m safe enough in my body yet to start, even after several months.
I don’t live in the US and have limited funds so I don’t think somatic therapy would be an actual option for me. But I’m curious to hear how one might practice a bit of somatic stuff during EMDR (?) or even just self-guided free resources.
I do not have experience with EMDR but have heard great things. But I agree that some people need a LOT of help feeling safe. My regular therapist didn't suggest somatic therapy for me for over a year. Maybe try googling some somatic practices (for anxiety, for pain relief, for feeling safe--whatever you need) and see if it helps? Even things like "body scans" are somatic practices that you can build up to doing every day!
Just a note. I have been doing somatic therapy by zoom and it is really helpful even in zoom. That might increase your area. I have done a tiny bit of emdr and I’d say they are nothing alike...
I have been doing something similar to EMDR and have wondered how much it is actually helping since my body is still not regulated often and I too think more somatic practices would greatly prepare me better for EMDR. What does that look like to be in the preparatory stages for you? My therapist never gave me the option for a prep stage. Very curious.
So the pre-eye-movement stages have been (I forget the order exactly) history taking, which was revolutionary for me. I spent like 2 months describing everything significant I could possibly think of my life. I went way more in depth than most people but it was bc I wanted to, and I’ve never told my whole life story to just one person before. Super healing. Highly recommend. Helped integrate some of the fractured years that I didn’t know how to make sense of.
Then we did like goal-setting, trying to figure out exactly what negative self-belief we were going after with EMDR, and what symptoms I wanted relief of, and what memories felt like they were very trauma-reactive & that I wanted to do EMDR with. (This step might have been first, I forget)
Then we did “resourcing,” which was basically coming up with figures real or fictional who gave off a protective, a wise, or a nurturing energy. We practiced tapping those energies in through bilateral tapping as a prep for the tapping during EMDR. I’d say this step was closest to something somatic.
I don’t know if there is more prep work but I think I’m almost about to start the “real thing”… if I’m even ready. Honestly I have no clue.
I’ve found lists titled things like the 9 stages of EMDR which might be interesting for you to google!
Somatic therapy has been HUGE for me as well. My lifelong coping mechanism has been to be hyper competent and compartmentalized with zero emotional processing. Fun stuff. My therapist has recommended yin yoga, which I kind of hate, but also has helped me process things in an embodied way. I just use the yin yoga practices I find on YouTube - highly recommend!
I've been gardening at a community garden plot. It's great because I get outside, in my body, and connected to the earth and my neighbors. Plus I get fresh tomatoes!
I've also been listening to neosoul music like Leon Bridges and Jungle, and anything else with a groove like Scary Pockets. Dancing to that had been so good! Also dancing to women singing anger (Petals for Armor by Hayley Williams is a great one for helping my process rage) has helped me burn the rage out so it doesn't eat me.
Finally, doing lots of sketching fairies. They've been a special interest since I was very little, and I am just recently returning to them in books and art making.
My final thing is embracing dopamine decor, or the idea of decorating with things that make me happy. Reading Joyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee (all about design principles that promote positive emotions) was so helpful for this! She does a great job of weaving science with aesthetics to help you think through building environments that are good for you.
I've never heard the phrase "dopamine decor," but I've lately been doing just that. I've discovered a love for soft, warm lighting and also fairy lights, and I've also begun to buy fun prints and decorative little animals to put everywhere because it makes me so happy. I'll definitely have to check out that book Joyful you mentioned to learn more about this idea!
Oh that all sounds wonderful! I heard about dopamine decor on ADHD tiktok and have started applying the name to lots of things. I don't remember if Joyful specially mentions it by name, but it the most helpful tool I've had to figuring it out!
I couldn’t love this post more. I am absolutely all in with your new direction (and I hope your therapist is so excited to talk fascisim!!!!! Lol). I can’t express how cathartic it is to read your insta stories, I think it’s the validation of our upbringing and the deconstructed fafo energy. I just switched to a therapist who incorporates body work (emdr! Reiki! Hypnotherapy!) and I have been using ice packs at night. Going to up my weird crafts game I think. I also highly recommend searching “qi facial” on YouTube for some amazing self-acupressure.
This sounds like an oddly specific rec for a niche group, but it is NOT: everyone should read Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda J. Brown. You think "a book specifically about Black asexuality? That doesn't sound very useful to antifacism" but it is, I promise it is. Resisting compulsory sexuality from an intersectional lens will have you thinking about allllll the ways we are forced into the authoritarian boxes, even to the most intimate parts of our identities. It is mind-blowing how all of this is so connected, down to cisheteropatriachy being so crucial to fascism because of that last footnote with reproductive control. It's all a huge system.
hoooooooo boy that books sounds incredible. Love the connections you are making! I would love to chat with you someday about this because a lot of the psychology of fascism does revolve around how pivotal sexual repression is to fascism and I honestly don't know what to make of it all!
For sure, you know I'm here for it anytime. #SpecialInterest haha
🤯
Oh my gosh! I ordered this book on your recommendation. Thank you! I’m taking it slow to let it all sink in. I whole heartedly echo your “mind-blowing”.
Yay!
Thank you for this rec! It sounds specifically helpful to my own journey, and I’m also very intrigued by the connections you’ve made.
Enjoy!
Daily journaling has been helping me keep a pulse on my inner voice. I decided at the beginning of this year to write at least one word every day from the space where I authentically feel, just to get to know myself. Initially I tended to poetically play on an image. Recently my journaling has turned toward narrative, where I’m getting to know a magical inner landscape, and if I’m in a dysregulated state I wind up in the cabin of an old crone who compassionately talks things over with me while brewing and serving medicinal tea.
I recently started daily yoga for mild low back pain (now gone, yoga and different sandals were just what I needed) and was surprised how good it felt to move my body in strange, unfamiliar ways. It feels like it helps me more fully inhabit my strange unfamiliar self, so I’m continuing the daily practice. I love how it can be adjusted to meet my energy levels: yin for sleepy or exhausted days, vinyasa for high energy days.
A phrase I’ve adopted that helps me return to my body when my 4-year-old or husband trigger dysregulation is “I welcome the stranger.” I think it came to me while journaling one time, that stranger-welcome is a more poignant metaphor for my life than neighbor-love. As my daughter moves through her own mysterious desires and barriers welcoming her as a stranger helps release my impulse for control. As my husband remains firmly in a faith I’m shifting away from (and sometimes reacts with discomfort to my shift), regarding us as strangers--with different inner worlds, triggers, processes for managing our triggers, is helpful and refreshing (this, btw, doesn’t resolve the looming question of whether our marriage will survive, but it’s a helpful frame to regulate myself as we navigate a bumpy patch). It just felt so freeing one evening to realize when I sit at the table with my family, we are coming together not only as a family, but as three strangers! After reading your piece I’m now wondering if allowing us to be strangers to one another undermines the fascist agenda for the family.
Most importantly though, welcoming the stranger is welcoming my strange unfamiliar self. Being undiagnosed PDA and CPTSD (how was i to know? I grew up in Such A Great Christian Family!), as well as aro-ace, I’ve spent most of my life distancing myself from my inner reactions in order to participate in life and society. Welcoming the stranger allows me to say, “I don’t know why I feel trapped when I play with my daughter, or why rage is suddenly shooting through my body, or why I obsessively plan for divorce every time my husband misunderstands me, but I’m allowed to feel this way! There is internal coherence to my nervous system response, that doesn’t fit dominant narratives, but is allowed! I’m allowed to be a stranger in this world, and carve out my own path to safety, and love in more authentic ways!” All of this is contained in the phrase I whisper to myself, and helps me return to my body with compassionate curiosity, which facilitates my return to parenting or conversing from a more regulated state.
Shaina, once again your writing has moved me so much. I have hurt myself in the past by my desperate desire to love my neighbors, and I am slowly learning more holistic ways of understanding my relationship to other human beings. The stranger line is SO compelling to me. It allows for curiosity instead of fear. Thank you so much for sharing all of this!
Aw, thank you!
Welcoming the stranger. Yes. I like that it acknowledges that we all are strangers to each other--even/especially family members. And ourselves as you say. Thanks for this
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I've fallen out of daily journaling, but I feel encouraged to return to it from reading what you say about "getting to know a magical inner landscape;" I think I need to find my own attentive and caring inner crone (or whatever the part of me is that's able to be attentive and compassionate to me).
And as others have said, welcoming the stranger is such a powerful and beautiful concept. I plan to carry this with me, especially on days when my own c-ptsd is triggered and I suddenly am overwhelmed with emotions that feel mismatched from what's going on around me.
Lastly, I'm a fellow aroace person! I love finding us out in the wild, and I think some of our experiences in the world, and especially within a christian subculture, can be particularly unique or challenging. Glad you're finding space to explore, understand, and care for yourself.
Wow. All of this is so beautiful, Shaina. Thank you for sharing. 🩷
I recently read Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski and found it to be amazingly eye opening in terms of regulating stress and emotions. The audio book read by the authors was lovely to listen to.
Yes! They are the ones who convinced me to Get Weird with getting out my anxiety.
Thank you for this. I am a middle school special ed Para and we are just getting started in our school year. I am SO thankful for the very small school district in which I work. They are committed to belonging through dignity. (That's our 'theme' this year. Yesterday was our first staff and teacher day (school starts after Labor Day.) and I came home excited. But I'm finishing up reading "Girls and Their Monsters" and I should say it probably wasn't a great choice for the first week of school. I kept thinking of you as I read it but last night, I had really horrible and difficult dreams. I'm also grieving the loss of my beloved husband. SIgh. It's a lot. I am going to bring up some of your suggestions to my therapist tomorrow. I've been following you forever and wish we lived close but even if we did, I think we'd be the kind of acquaintances that text and send memes rather than meet in person for a walk in the woods. :) Your journey is very similar to mine and I perceive a closeness that is parasocial. I am just thankful for your and your voice and place in this world.
Amy I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved. And I am so glad you are such a safe person for the kids in your care.
I for one adore anti-fascist buttons and zines! Art journaling is one of my lifelines too, as is EMDR.
thank you for sharing those two articles you wrote a while back. I loved reading them!
I just got Refusing Compulsory Sexuality from the library so thank you for recommending that Jenna!
Songwriting/poetry has been a lifeline for me. I do want to engage with more somatic practices but just keep putting it off but I know it will be so helpful and is absolutely necessary if I am going to heal! thank you for the reminder!!
song-writing is incredibly somatic! so you might be already doing what your body needs . . . I am trying to sing a bit more these days, because it's something I stopped doing when I left church. I used to play guitar and I have been wondering if I should fix it up again and try and do some singing of protest songs/songs that restore my faith in humanity.
that is a good point! It totally is!
It has been so therapeutic to get all my emotions and anger out writing about the systems that hurt me and feeling all the emotions that I have kept underground for so long. Meeting with a local musician next week who has all the gear and am finally going to publish at least one of my songs soon!
I am constantly on the lookout for other musicians who are writing about these things. I did like the recommendation recently from someone on the facebook group about Joseph. A few of their songs have been so refreshing and validating.
Do share when you publish your song! (I'm new to substack, but if dms are a thing here, feel free to let me know thru that, haha)
Singing folk songs about resistance is one of the most healing things for this ex-worship leader!
Meditation for me has been a lifesaver over the last decade. Specifically, the work of Plum Village and Thich Nhat Hanh. Capitalism has soured mediation for a lot of people by commodifying it to all hell. Plum Village is a Buddhist monastery and does not have a profit motive. Their focus on meditations and teachings to help heal trauma have been huge for me. It also helps that meditation has peer reviewed scientific studies proving efficacy.
Thich Nhat Hanh’s book on fear was pivotal for me! Learning to breathe through existential fear--let it move through my body changed my life in a very deep, fundamental way. I sometimes wonder if Christianity would be less inclined towards fascism if it included practices for allowing and processing existential fear--instead of “nope! We’re above those silly feelings, because we’re going to live FOREVER! And there’s nothing horrific about that, even though it feels more horrific than death. It’s going to be great!” Then you have a dysregulated religion founded on a gaping spiritual crisis.
Completely agree. Eternal life and heaven are both an excuse to treat the "other" like a subhuman and is also completely terrifying if you think critically about it. One of the things I love about Buddhism, and engaged Buddhism specifically, is letting things simply come and go, and how we can make social efforts and movements a mindful practice as well.
Can I just say this entire exchange is bringing me to tears? I struggle SO much with feeling like I am alone (or that I am going "crazy"--sorry to use that word, it's the one my brain uses). When deep down I just want to learn how to live a better life where I can be better to others! And I feel like I can't do that without interrogating all the ways I was socialized to "deal" with my bad feelings (that didn't actually ever deal with them!). Thank you both for chatting about these topics!
Thank you DL! That loneliness was how I felt for sooooooo long before I discovered therapy, meditation, and critically that I was undiagnosed ASD. It was like, "oh! There are others like me and I am not a broken, worthless piece of trash". I still struggle with those thoughts and feelings, but at least I have tools now. Reading this substack and your podcasts has been a valuable source of revelation for me in that ongoing journey.
I’m in a rather conservative province in Canada and have been following US news and politics since, oh, 2015. Even from here it was hard to believe what was coming out of what would become 45’s mouth and that the Christian’s were ok with it. It was baffling to me. What happens in the US typically happens here a few years later. It’s easy to spot the similarities if your looking and I think even when your not. We recently returned to our province of origin (every few months we go back) and billboards you would never see before have popped up. The same things exist here we have just been more typically polite about them. The pandemic divided a lot and now the groundwork is being laid. My body and my nervous system are well aware there is no place safe that I am and need to be that place for me.
As for somatics there is ice packs at the ready, my feet in the grass, I’ve been know to shake my arms out or dance spontaneously. I hurt my knees doing yoga in April and my $ has been spent on physio since. I’m not even sure I could find a somatic therapist where I live. Pretty much the entire region is in trauma denial among other things. I have an allergic reaction to hemp and a fear of addiction or losing myself (which needs to be explored) or I’d be all over gummies.
I’m glad your here, sharing yourself with us.
I know a lot of people who don't respond well to THC (it causes them extreme anxiety) and I am sad for them! But luckily there are so many different coping mechanisms. I have always wondered about the true differences between Canada and the US. According to the Democracy Index Canada is a bit higher than the US (ranking 24 versus 36), but that is honestly not a huge difference! https://www.democracymatrix.com/ranking
I haven't seen this before but I'm not surprised. Traditionally Canadians pride themselves on not being like Americans (unless they are ultra-conservative, like some people I know, in which case the U.S. does everything better). Historically power has been mainly in the hands of the elite (we are after all a British colony that did not rebel); however cultivating a sense of national identity based on how we are better than Americans is useful for the powerful, because it keeps people complacent and not noticing that other countries are doing better! There are definitely regional differences though (I'm from central Canada).
Jen, I agree that Covid accelerated division here and it feels bad and scary.
I am not in the U.S, but I see much the same things are happening in Canada, so what you are noticing and writing seems relevant and important. Thank you for saying it. I'm also glad you are finding ways to take care of yourself. I am working on undoing some of the personal enmeshment, and it's hard! As for what helps: this is kind of intense but I sometimes find it helpful to read about historical resistance movements, who the people were and how they came together and why they succeeded or failed.
Yes! I can now look back at my obsession with Dorothy Day (specifically with her starting her radical paper in 1933) as being so helpful for these times! Do you have any favorite books in that genre?
One of the first books of this kind to make an impact on me was Sophie Scholl and the White Rose. I'm currently reading Assata: An Autobiography by Assata Shakur.
I just got assata from my local library for the same reason! It’s the same reason I’ve been binge watching/reading about escaping cults too. My husband was confused/concerned and I was trying to explain how comforting it is to read about people who got out!
Danielle (and others with experience in somatic therapy), have you done EMDR? If so, how does it compare with somatic therapy?
My therapist and I have been “doing EMDR” for several months now— but we haven’t gotten to the actual eye movement processing part yet bc it is taking me SO LONG to get through the preparatory stages. I’m not even sure if I’m safe enough in my body yet to start, even after several months.
I don’t live in the US and have limited funds so I don’t think somatic therapy would be an actual option for me. But I’m curious to hear how one might practice a bit of somatic stuff during EMDR (?) or even just self-guided free resources.
I do not have experience with EMDR but have heard great things. But I agree that some people need a LOT of help feeling safe. My regular therapist didn't suggest somatic therapy for me for over a year. Maybe try googling some somatic practices (for anxiety, for pain relief, for feeling safe--whatever you need) and see if it helps? Even things like "body scans" are somatic practices that you can build up to doing every day!
Just a note. I have been doing somatic therapy by zoom and it is really helpful even in zoom. That might increase your area. I have done a tiny bit of emdr and I’d say they are nothing alike...
I have been doing something similar to EMDR and have wondered how much it is actually helping since my body is still not regulated often and I too think more somatic practices would greatly prepare me better for EMDR. What does that look like to be in the preparatory stages for you? My therapist never gave me the option for a prep stage. Very curious.
So the pre-eye-movement stages have been (I forget the order exactly) history taking, which was revolutionary for me. I spent like 2 months describing everything significant I could possibly think of my life. I went way more in depth than most people but it was bc I wanted to, and I’ve never told my whole life story to just one person before. Super healing. Highly recommend. Helped integrate some of the fractured years that I didn’t know how to make sense of.
Then we did like goal-setting, trying to figure out exactly what negative self-belief we were going after with EMDR, and what symptoms I wanted relief of, and what memories felt like they were very trauma-reactive & that I wanted to do EMDR with. (This step might have been first, I forget)
Then we did “resourcing,” which was basically coming up with figures real or fictional who gave off a protective, a wise, or a nurturing energy. We practiced tapping those energies in through bilateral tapping as a prep for the tapping during EMDR. I’d say this step was closest to something somatic.
I don’t know if there is more prep work but I think I’m almost about to start the “real thing”… if I’m even ready. Honestly I have no clue.
I’ve found lists titled things like the 9 stages of EMDR which might be interesting for you to google!
thank you so much for sharing this!
Somatic therapy has been HUGE for me as well. My lifelong coping mechanism has been to be hyper competent and compartmentalized with zero emotional processing. Fun stuff. My therapist has recommended yin yoga, which I kind of hate, but also has helped me process things in an embodied way. I just use the yin yoga practices I find on YouTube - highly recommend!
I love/hate yin yoga too 😅
I've been gardening at a community garden plot. It's great because I get outside, in my body, and connected to the earth and my neighbors. Plus I get fresh tomatoes!
I've also been listening to neosoul music like Leon Bridges and Jungle, and anything else with a groove like Scary Pockets. Dancing to that had been so good! Also dancing to women singing anger (Petals for Armor by Hayley Williams is a great one for helping my process rage) has helped me burn the rage out so it doesn't eat me.
Finally, doing lots of sketching fairies. They've been a special interest since I was very little, and I am just recently returning to them in books and art making.
My final thing is embracing dopamine decor, or the idea of decorating with things that make me happy. Reading Joyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee (all about design principles that promote positive emotions) was so helpful for this! She does a great job of weaving science with aesthetics to help you think through building environments that are good for you.
I've never heard the phrase "dopamine decor," but I've lately been doing just that. I've discovered a love for soft, warm lighting and also fairy lights, and I've also begun to buy fun prints and decorative little animals to put everywhere because it makes me so happy. I'll definitely have to check out that book Joyful you mentioned to learn more about this idea!
Oh that all sounds wonderful! I heard about dopamine decor on ADHD tiktok and have started applying the name to lots of things. I don't remember if Joyful specially mentions it by name, but it the most helpful tool I've had to figuring it out!
I couldn’t love this post more. I am absolutely all in with your new direction (and I hope your therapist is so excited to talk fascisim!!!!! Lol). I can’t express how cathartic it is to read your insta stories, I think it’s the validation of our upbringing and the deconstructed fafo energy. I just switched to a therapist who incorporates body work (emdr! Reiki! Hypnotherapy!) and I have been using ice packs at night. Going to up my weird crafts game I think. I also highly recommend searching “qi facial” on YouTube for some amazing self-acupressure.