D.L. Recommends: The Revolutionary Spring Edition
Because being a silly billy is my birthright
Welcome to Healing is My Special Interest, the newsletter at the intersection of late-diagnosed religion and healing from high control environments. I, like almost everyone else, am struggling with extreme fatigue. I just . . . can’t handle very much information right now? But lots of history continues to happen? So I just keep taking it one day at a time? And I sense I am not alone. Here’s a nice little post of things that I recommend these days as a palate cleanser from all the other intense stuff I have been writing about. Thanks for being here, and thanks so much for your support! This little newsletter wouldn’t exist without YOU :)
Well, it’s a difficult time right now for anyone with ethical OCD and a penchant for studying history and noticing patterns. Or, you know, anyone who hates paying taxes to a country that is actively involved in genocide. Not only that, but I am having to work very hard on engaging just the right amount with the work I am doing over at STRONGWILLED in connecting the history of Religious Authoritarian Parenting practices to the rise of authoritarianism today. So many connections! And it all feels so urgent!
When TikTok is being banned, America is sending 24 BILLION dollars to fund a genocide against Palestinians, Texas wants to ban all gender-nonconfomring teachers, and the heavily armed cops are being sent to squash anti-genocide protests erupting on college campuses . . . yeah. It’s hard for my brain to take a rest from trying to “solve” the ginormous systemic issues facing the world today. Even when I do try and impose "“office hours” on my thoughts, they are slippery and disobedient. Justice is one of my special interests, and learning how to balance that with being a mother, partner, and person has been a real challenge for me.
So. I do what most humans do. I find ways to be silly, to have fun, to experience pleasure, to touch the grass, to be in my body, to laugh and to cry and to wonder and to be grumpy. I get to be weird. I get to be not a piece of the puzzle or a part of the pattern, but me. D.L. freaking Mayfield.
So here, in the fifth week of April in 2024, are a list of things that I personally recommend (and that have made me feel like a small and complex and wondrous creature).
D.L. Recommends: Revolutionary Spring Edition
Club Sandwiches
For the past year or so I have started getting club sandwiches at whatever restaurant I am at that sells them. I haven’t had very many—maybe like 3 or 4? But for some reason it makes me feel like a fancy taste-tester who is on a special mission to discover the best club sandwich. Instead of, you know, an overwhelmed and anxious autistic person who is just going to order their safe food again. Anyways club sandwiches are great and are basically fancy af and this is how I am romanticizing my life, ok????
Hong Kong Travel Videos
For some reason, they are just hitting for me right now. I went to Hong Kong 16 years ago this summer and I am really missing it!
Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV
OK this docuseries is hard to watch but it’s also really important work. Learning how to identify and STAND UP to predators is a really important passion of mine, and unfortunately predators are always drawn to industries and institutions where there are vulnerable people like children. This includes studios like Nickelodeon, and it includes churches too! I highly recommend becoming aware of the patterns of predators so you can help stop them.
Having a local coffee shop
I have a local coffee shop where I know a lot of the people who work there and they are always so nice to me and it is very inclusive and neuroqueer friendly and the relief I feel knowing there is a place where it is ok to be known and seen in our somewhat conservative little suburb is just amazing.
Cream cheese frosting
It makes everything better. EVERYTHING.
Freckles
One of my kids has freckles that pop out as soon as it gets sunny in Oregon and it reminds me all over again how much I love them.
This Dance Video
The CDK dance company put out this video of a choreographed version of Somebody that I Used to Know by Gotye. Like everyone else, I was super into that song for a hot minute. ANYWAYS I have watched this like 5-6 times now and it always makes me feel so, so joyful. The clothes, the dancing, the songs . . . this is truly worth your time to watch and marvel at what humans can do in community.
Girls5eva
I needed a brain break and decided to give this NBC comedy a try and boy howdy it helped! It has that old-school Tina Fey comedy feel but it’s also a lot fresher (and calmer). Paula Pell is a revelation! I was way too Christian back in the early 2000s to understand all the pop culture references they are riffing on, but it is still a great romp of a show.
Taking your autistic non-binary kid on a great vacation
Autistic non-binary kids deserve to swim in awesome pools and have a great experience and have people be kind to them. They deserve to take up space and have fun!
Spotify daylists
Mine are always some combo of sad indie weirdcore classical overthinking angst-ridden cozy Wednesday afternoon vibes and I love it.
Avocado and egg on sourdough toast
This is one of my classic comfort foods. I am probably going to go make myself this right as I am done with this post. I don’t always have the energy and the ingredients, but when I do it is great.
Finding underwear that fits you
I hate buying underwear. I hate buying bras. All of it can be pretty triggering both as a non-binary person AND as someone with ethical OCD who hates purchasing things. But finding stuff that feels good (sensory) and makes me feel OK about being in my body? Well, that is honestly some pretty priceless shit.
Draco Malfoy and the Terrifying Ordeal of Being in Love
Yes, I read the incredible Hermione/Draco fanfic that is superbly written and so enjoyable to read. Thank you to the Popcast for hyping this up. For every millennial who freaking hates JK Rowling (that’s me!) you can indulge in that world without giving Rowling a single penny. Fanfic is free and a labor of love, so no guilty feelings here! Just google it and you will find it :)
Pomofocus
Have you heard about the pomodoro method? This website works for your computer. It gives you 25 minutes of work and then 5 minute breaks. I really love it for helping me switch into writing/working mode and then giving me breaks and/or a way to transition out of work mode. Which is really helpful for my brain when I am in the throes of working on a piece!
Used book stores
I just feel better knowing they exist, you know?
Chai with oat milk
A match made in heaven.
Chaotic gardening
Somebody (Sarah?) said this phrase in one of our community discussion posts and I love it. This year I am just slowly doing tiny bits here and there in my garden. It looks shaggy and like a pollinator’s dream and I refuse to shame myself for it!!!!
Growling
I highly recommend growling. And baring your fangs. And hissing while making claws out of your hands. And screaming into a pillow. I love it so much. Anger needs to get out of your body somehow, and growling is a great way to do it! I just saw a video that said throwing ice cubes into your bathtub can be a great anger release and you KNOW I am going to try that out. We have a lot to be angry about, and we need to find ways to let it out!
Conan O’Brian on Hot Ones
I don’t watch every episode of Hot Ones (the interview show where guests eat increasingly spicy chicken wings and sometimes lose their minds) but this one I have seen multiple times now. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Conan, and the way he is both unhinged and eloquent will never cease to amaze me. It starts slow but trust me, by the end you will see why this video went viral.
The Ladies Rewrite the Rules by Suzanne Allain
Yes I am still in my regency romance era. Yes I am VERY excited about Bridgerton season 3. This book is very romantic and light and fluffy and just made me feel good when I was having some sad end of the world thoughts. So there you go!
Mae Martin
I didn’t know how important non-binary representation was to me until I saw Mae Martin in the last season of Taskmaster. I have also enjoyed a few episodes of their Netflix show Feel Good and I look forward to getting into it more! They are so cool and so cute and so funny!
Checkerboard patterns
I usually have a pair of worn-out checkered vans I am wearing, but recently I “allowed” myself to get a black and white checkerboard sweater. I have started coloring things in coloring books with checkerboard patterns. I am just embracing how much I enjoy the black and white squares in a visual way, and remembering how I used to doodle these kinds of patterns constantly as a teenager.
Most Ardently by Gabe Cole Novoa
This retelling of Pride and Prejudice is so sweet and involves a trans main character (Oliver, who is known as Elizabeth Bennet to his mother and society). I loved it a lot, and it is SO important to have some positive representation of queer folks in historical novels. None of the regency era romances I read are very much based in reality, so why can’t we bend it a tiny bit more? It felt so nice to live in a world where gender non-conforming people get to be happy for just a minute.
Old-School Heating Pads
I have one that legit has a light blue flannel cover just like the one I remember my grandma having. Heating pads are AMAZING for when anxiety makes your tummy hurt or when your period is annoying or when you just need a tiny bit of extra comfort!
Supporting protests, especially if they are led by the young
Our world constantly tells children they need to suck up and accept reality. Well, what if the reality they are inheriting super duper sucks? Gen Z and Gen Alpha in particular are fed up with the adults not acting like adults and are starting to organize large protests to ask universities to divest from the on-going (and US-backed) genocide in Palestine. I am so proud of these young people—and historically, those who have NOT supported protests on college campuses have always been on the wrong side of the issue. So cheer on the youths who refuse to accept a world that normalizes death just so that the rich can continue to get richer.
Well, that’s all I have for this edition of D.L. Recommends. Let me know in the comments: what are some things you recommend these days?
Stay strong, stay silly, stay mad, stay weird, and most of all—stay you.
Club sandwiches are the BEST! I will almost always order one if it's on the menu, except that recently every place wants to put avocado on it, but avocado is not part of a club sandwich (or a BLT!) which is a hill I will die on. Avocado is not an acceptable texture in my world.
I recommend The Great British Baking Show which I realize I'm the last person in the world to watch, but I finally did and it's just so soothing. All of the contestants are so sweet and supportive of each other. Even the judges seem to really try to be as kind as possible.
Also, The Thursday Murder Club was a really delightful book. I'm on the waitlist for the next one, but it's very long. Upside to ADHD is that I'll completely forget about it by the time it comes it, so it'll be an excellent surprise.
I also just finished listening to The Exvangelicals, which I really enjoyed. I appreciated your contributions!
Underwear that makes you feel good in your body is so important. I had an epiphany about bras 4 years ago - I suddenly realized that the reason I couldn't find a well-fitting bra was because I hate having breasts and simply putting on a bra sent me to sensory overload. Since I am not rich and cannot take 6 months off work for top surgery - sports bras for the.... compromise. Also, Woxer boxer briefs are the gender affirming undies I didn't know I needed.
My current reading recommendation is to have more than one book going at once. I never saw this coming, but I've found a balance between having a heavy book going in one place with light and fluffy books going in others. I'm currently reading Lessons from the Covid War at work. It stays in my gear bag and only comes out between calls. My current audiobook and at home books are both fluffy, queer romances. If my audiobook becomes heavy, I'll switch my work book to something fluffy. I'm finding that this keeps me from getting angsty in my body.