A Creative Review of Unmasking Autism
A Creative Review of Unmasking Autism
A guest post by the one and only Jessica Kantrowitz!
Welcome to God is My Special Interest, a newsletter on the intersection of late-diagnosed autism and high control religion! Today we have a guest post by my friend and wonderful writer, Jessica Kantrowitz, where she reviews the book Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price. Jessica is one of the most creative people I know (scroll to the end of this newsletter to see an amazing graphic she made for me!), and her imagination is deeply rooted in love. Jessica does a great job of playing with the text, modeling what it means to engage some of the practices, and inviting us to continue this hard, wonderful journey of unmasking our true selves. So grab some paper and a pen, and consider giving one of these prompts a try today!
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Unmasked Moment 1: I am eleven or twelve years old, and I have just picked up the novel Watership Down. It’s 500 pages long and although I’m an avid reader, I’ve never read a book that size before. But I’m instantly drawn in to this almost Shakespearean drama of rabbits escaping the destruction of their warren. I read every possible waking moment for four days, bringing the book to school and church with me. My little heart has never been so excited, compelled, captured. When I finish the book, I immediately turn it over and start again from the beginning, this time reading a bit more slowly to take in more of the details. I am SO happy.
***
Unmasking Autism, by Devon Price, PhD, is a wonderful resource for those who, like me, didn’t realize until adulthood that they were autistic, or for those who are exploring the possibility that they are autistic. Price himself is a trans man who discovered he was autistic as an adult, after struggling for years with depression and isolation. Unmasking Autism is very thorough and informative, particularly for an area of autism research that is relatively new, and it is filled with the stories and lived experience of autistic folks, and centers those with marginalized identities. I learned a lot from the book, which I first listened to on Audible, and am now rereading as a hardcover.
In addition to the stories and research, Unmasking Autism offers a plethora of resources and exercises for those who have “masked” their autism to find ways to safely “unmask,” becoming more true to themselves, and finding community that will accept them for who they are. It’s practical steps like those that can be so difficult when you are trying to figure things out on your own, like so many of us are. I thought I’d share some of these resources and exercises here.
One of the first exercises Dr. Price offers is in the preface, a “Values-Based Integration Process” created by Heather R. Morgan (who D.L. interviewed earlier here!). The instructions read:
“Think of five moments in your life when you felt like you were FULLY ALIVE. Try to find moments from throughout your life (childhood; adolescence; adulthood; school; work; vacation; hobbies). Some of the moments might leave you with a sense of awe and wonder – “wow, if all of life was like that, life would be amazing!” Some of the moments might leave you feeling deeply recharged and ready to face the next challenge, or satisfied and fulfilled. Tell the story of each moment in as much detail as possible. Try to think specifically about why the moment stuck with you so dramatically.”
I like this exercise so much that I’ve included my five moments as touch-points in this review.
Unmasked Moment 2: I am eight, and then twelve, and then eighteen, and I am swimming. I am at a pool, or a pond, or, best, the beach. My little brother is playing with other kids, and my dad is doing laps for exercise, but I am just being in the water. Sometimes I swim, sometimes tread water, sometimes bob back and forth from the surface to the ocean floor. My senses feel full, but in a safe way, soothed instead of overwhelmed. I could be happy there, by myself, for hours.
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Another resource that Dr. Price offers is the suggestion to connect with other autistic folks, both online and in person, whether you already know you are autistic, or are in the process of investigating the possibility. He suggest spaces like Autistics Against Curing Autism, and the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), the latter of which has chapters in many major cities. He also suggests online autism groups, like the subreddit r/AutismTranslated. And he mentions that on many social media sites such as Twitter and Instagram, the hashtags #ActuallyAutistic and #AdultAutistic will help you connect to other people, organizations, and resources. And he mentions, as well, groups that aren’t specifically autistic but focus on a special interest that you share, like local comic book or cosplay groups, hiking groups, or whatever you’re into or would like to get into.
(He doesn’t mention God Is My Special Interest, but hey look! You’re here, you’ve already started finding autistic community!)
Dr. Price also suggests trying out tools for autistic people, such as weighted blankets or fidget toys. “It is not cultural appropriation,” he writes, “or ‘faking a disability’ to try out these tools. If Autism-friendly resources and adaptations prove helpful to you, that’s another key signal you belong in our spaces, or at the very least have a great deal in common with us.”
Unmasked Moment 3: I am a sophomore in high school and I meet someone who thinks I’m really cool! After years of being picked on, or having friends who are nice to me because they have to be, because we’re in girl scouts together or the drama club, this is an incredible experience. In retrospect, it was the first time in my life I could unmask in front of a peer, though I didn’t have words for it at the time. It was also my first experience of having a ‘helper’ friend who I could ask basic questions about socializing and the world in general without feeling dumb.
***
Another resource I found useful was a chart and exercise in Chapter Five, entitled, “Reframing Autistic Stereotypes. The idea is to think of the negative things people might have said about you, and to reframe the same quality as a positive. Some examples are:
I was told I was arrogant, but actually I am confident, principled, independent. (Fill in your own answer). I value this quality in myself because: It helps me stand up for what is right. I’m often the first person to speak out about a problem. I can set a positive example for others. (Fill in your own answer)
I was told I was annoying and loud, but actually I am enthusiastic, alive, outspoken. I value this quality in myself because: I am my own best advocate. I raise other people’s energy levels. I experience intense happiness and recognize beauty.
I was told I was childish, but actually I am curious, openminded, joyful. I value this quality in myself because: I’m great at learning and growing. I experience the full range of human emotion. I take pleasure from the small things in life.
Other reframes Dr. Price suggests are authentic and unique instead of awkward, and perceptive and compassionate instead of sensitive. “Quite frequently,” he writes, “the traits that inconvenience or weird out neurotypical people are the very same ones that define who we are and help keep us safe…It’s not actually a bad thing that we are spirited, loud, intense, principled, or strange. These traits are merely inconvenient to systems designed by abled people that don’t take our unique way of being into account.”
Unmasked Moment 4: I am a senior in college, and have just discovered coffee (which in retrospect I was using to self-medicate for depression, autistic burnout, and possibly also ADHD). I skip class one morning, get a vanilla hazelnut coffee from the cafeteria, and take the elevator up to the quiet balcony of one of the tallest buildings at my university. I spend the morning writing in my journal, looking out over the gorgeous autumnal campus with views of the Boston skyline, mood buoyed by caffeine and the high of skipping class, of deciding to let my attention wander where it wants instead of forcing myself to focus under neon lights.
***
One last exercise I’ll share is from the part of Chapter Six entitled, “Be Radically Visible.” “Where masking conceals,” Dr. Price writes, “radical visibility steps into the limelight…A masker gets their needs met in private, through a serious of apologetic half measures and veiled coping mechanisms; a radically visible person openly declares who they are and what they require, because it’s what they deserve.”
Dr. Price then offers some tips for how to practice radical visibility in your daily life. Here are a few examples:
Disappoint someone: Practice saying “no,” “I’m not available to do that,” I’m uncomfortable with that,” or I have to go now” without any explanation or apology.
Try to go an entire day without guessing or anticipating anyone’s emotions.
Try to go an entire day without controlling what messages your facial expressions or body language is giving off.
Ask for something you usually feel too guilty to request.
When a friend asks how you are doing, give them an honest answer.
Sing along to your favorite music while walking down the street.
Unmasked Moment 5: Last year. My dancer friend asks me to write a poem for her dance troupe, and I do, and they create a dance to it and ask me to read it at the performance. We rehearse just a couple of times beforehand, and then, onstage before an audience, I let myself lean fully into the energy of poetry, music, dance. As I read, the dancers respond to my words, and as they dance, I respond in my reading, letting my body sway softly in an echo of their dance. It is the most amazing energy I’ve ever felt.
I’ve only begun understanding my own life through the lens of autism over the last two or three years, but I can see how I began the process of unmasking several years ago when I gave up trying to work full time, or in Christian ministry, and fell back on part time nannying, a job I always loved. Letting go of the constant need to mask (as I now understand it) in those contexts, left me energy to pursue writing, which had always been my dream.
Since then I’ve published four books that let me share honestly about my own life while also helping others. I’ve also developed a writing workshop and community for writers who are mentally ill or neurodivergent, to offer us a supportive and generative place to practice our craft. I’d love to have any of you join me if you’re interested! It’s over at findingyourvoice.substack.com.
I’m grateful for books like Unmasking Autism, and for D.L. and this space, for helping me understand my own life better, and find tools to continue unmasking and being who I was always meant to be. Let’s keep cheering each other on!
Jessica Kantrowitz is the author of four books, including The Long Night and 365 Days of Peace. Her work has been featured in places like Sojourners, The Good Men Project, and the Madeleine L'Engle blog, and shared widely on social media. She is the creator of the Finding Your Voice writing workshops and community for writers who are neurodivergent or mentally ill.
She also runs the Finding Your Voice Substack:
You can also find her/purchase her books at:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/jfkantrowitz
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessicafaithkantrowitz
I love this review and it helped me jump back into the book! I had to take a break for awhile because I found it almost painfully overwhelming . . . so much information, and so much of it was validating . . . but also I was really overwhelmed by how much oppression and trauma and systematic injustices there are in the stories of masked autistic people. This creative engagement really helped me get back into Unmasking Autism, which I truly believe is an incredible resource!!!!
Love!! The review, the 5 moments and “meeting” the author behind a book that really spoke to me in a deep moment of need. (365 days of peace).