Summer of Accommodations: Reading Edition

Give us your fav reads and ask for some suggestions from our community!

Welcome to Healing is My Special Interest, the newsletter at the intersection of late-diagnosed neurodivergence and healing from high-control environments. If you, like me, are feeling stressed and triggered by politics these days, might I suggest reading my post from last summer? Authoritarianism is on the rise, my friends, and we need you (and your nervous system!) NOT in a constant state of panic. If you appreciate this newsletter and the general anti-fascist vibe, consider becoming a paid subscriber to keep it going.

Hello gentle readers,

It is summertime, and parenting is kicking my ass right now. I don’t like writing about my kids and I really don’t like writing about parenting, but the care and keeping of children and a household  is taking up about 85% of my mental capacity and 95% of my physical capacity these days. What little energy I do have is being put towards intense projects and research and (UGH) self-promotion. I am finding it hard to settle down and do some of the things I used to enjoy. I haven’t even finished the last four episodes of Bridgerton or picked up a magazine to read in the sunshine.

Which brings us to another topic in my summer of accommodations series¹: reading!

Now, I have always been a reader. I fit the profile of the autistic kid who dissociates into a book pretty squarely. In the summers especially I would enjoy a big thick Babysitters club book or The Secret Garden or The Little Princess while swinging in a hammock or being dragged around on fishing trips (my parents were BIG into fishing and hiking). Reading was my solace, my escape, my time to tune out the rest of the world. 

Throughout the rest of my life I have gone through periods when I read a lot, and then periods where I just . . . don’t. I also go through phases of what I read. Obviously, for many years I read TONS of Christian books. I used to really enjoy reading essays and literary magazines and newspapers like the New York Times and big non-fiction books about whatever social justice issue I was interested in learning about. But the amount I read varied from week to week and month to month and even year to year. The biggest gap in my reading life occurred after the birth of my first child. I felt like my brain stopped working, and even reading magazine articles was too much for me. I was afraid I would never get back to my prior reading habits, but eventually they came back (even if slightly different). 

For so many years of my life, I divided my reading into two categories: 

1. Reading for pleasure

and

2. Reading for knowledge

Growing up in evangelical land, of course I had to put binaries around something like reading! And the older I got, and the more I became aware of the gaps in my education, the more I pressured myself to read for knowledge. This was in part due to me desperately wanting to be a good person and to figure out how the world works, but it was also related to growing up highly indoctrinated. My history books growing up, for example, were basically Christian nationalist propaganda. I had a lot of catching up to do, so of course I dove headfirst into non-fiction reading.

Reading for pleasure usually looked like sneaking in magazines on vacation and popular YA series when I was depressed and couldn’t do any more non-fiction. I found out I didn’t enjoy literary fiction although I tried for many years (it usually just triggered me!). I continued to mostly read Christian books that were always compelling me to try harder and do more. Reading for pleasure always made me feel a bit guilty and like a bad Christian. Plus, 13 years ago I started writing, which has meant that for over a decade I have been either working on a book or on an article that required me to read intense, heavy, and thick non-fiction books. So I simply didn’t have a lot of time or capacity for fiction.

But all of that has changed in the past few years, and I’m so glad it has! While I still continue to read intense things for my work, I now have several accommodations that I employ in my reading life.

First, as I have written about before, since becoming diagnosed autistic I have allowed myself the pleasure of re-reading fiction books that I love. Re-reading safe books is like eating safe foods or watching the same show over and over again. 

Recently I snagged a bunch of Anne of Green Gables books with the exact same covers as I had growing up and am slowly working my way through them again. And I am loving it so much! It feels like visiting an old friend, and it’s such a beautiful way of getting in touch with younger parts of myself. Certain sentences or phrases will stand out to me, and remind me of what thrilled me and entertained me as a young teenager.

Second, I am learning not to push myself—both with non-fiction and fiction—and to take my time. I often have to re-read things for research purposes, and that’s OK. My writing process takes a lot of time, because I always want to make sure I am understanding the author’s intent, the history, the footnotes, and influences, and more. This is . . . a lot of work, and it doesn’t translate into more money or readers for me exactly, but I am learning to accept this is a part of my reading AND writing process. I need to know a book intimately before I want to source or cite it, and since my short-term memory isn’t that great it means I might have to re-read things. I still struggle with audiobooks, and have mostly taken a break from trying, which is totally fine -- perhaps my brain just needs a break and can’t process the audio component.

Thirdly, with fiction reading I am learning that it is OK (and fun, even!) to have very particular tastes. I might not finish over half of the books I start reading, but this means that when I like a book I really, really like it. I start a lot of books and jump ship when I realize I am not reaching for that book again after a while and I don’t feel bad about it. This clears more room in my head and my packed life to actually recognize when something really is for me. And then I have the potential to re-read it again in a few years and experience the pleasure all over again!

Fourthly, I am allowing myself the space to figure out what I like, as are many others raised in a high control religion that utilized purity culture. Reading a wide variety of romance books has helped me get in touch with what *I* like. There are certain tropes that are my favorite, and others that I don’t care for.² All of this is important self-discovery and—dare I say—knowledge. But for so many years I thought fiction books didn’t impart important messages, and in my binary worldview I certainly didn’t think getting in touch with my own desires counted as something worthwhile³.

Conversely, I am also able to recognize that I take pleasure in reading non-fiction for research or information. The autistic thrill of reading a book that puts together the puzzle pieces of a problem I have been trying to solve in my brain . . . the frisson of pleasure when I gather the information necessary for me to make my argument . . . the joy I feel when I connect to an author across time or culture . . . it gives me that same dopamine hit as a great fiction book! As it turns out the binaries I manufactured in my reading life truly don’t fit anymore (if they ever did at all), and I am glad to slowly be recognizing this.

Lastly, I continually put myself in spaces where I am surrounded by books and readers. My kids and I regularly make pilgrimages to the library and to favorite local bookstores. We are on a first-name basis with booksellers who tell us about books we all might like, which is a Simple Life Pleasure I never knew could be attainable for me! I also subscribe to dozens and dozens of Substack newsletters, and while I don’t read every single post by every single author (who can?!?!?!), it is like a cornucopia of thoughts and ideas available to me whenever I might wish to partake. I also LOVE when we get to talk about books here at this substack, because everyone always has such great recs!

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Which brings me to my last accommodation: I know that I need to hobnob with other readers and get their recommendations. So for today’s post, let’s try something:

Comment below with either 

1). One or two books you have read recently that you LOVED (and maybe a sentence or two why?)

or 

2). Ask for specific recommendations—are you looking for literary fiction? A big thick history book? A sapphic romance? Let us know your preferred genres and tropes and romantic pairings, and let other readers chime in with suggestions!

I will put a few of my own recent faves in the comments. Thanks for being here and for helping me in my own reading life! No matter where you are at when it comes to your reading life, hopefully we can take some time to focus on what we like, what gives us energy—and help others along the way.

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1. Here’s part 1 where I talk about driving accommodations:

2. For example I mostly am drawn to M/F pairings where one or both is gender non-conforming in some way, I don’t love enemies to lovers, I can’t do anything that perpetuates toxic masculinity, I love a regency romance that involves class analysis, and anything too dystopian gets me real anxious. These are just a few of my personal preferences!

3. I blame this on the patriarchy. As I do most things.