PDA and me

a guest post by Ramona Mayfield

Photo by Amy Treasure on Unsplash

Hey everyone,

It’s spring break over here and I am in the THICK of trying to get a new project launched in the next few weeks (more on that soooooooooon). So I thought this would be the perfect time to publish a piece by my oldest child Ramona!

Last year I interviewed them about their favorite show (The Owl House) and they loved the experience. This year I asked them if they might be interested in writing an essay about what it’s like to be PDA autistic, and they enthusiastically agreed.

In future months I plan on diving a bit more into PDA but as always, it’s best to hear about something from the folks who actually have the lived experience. And that’s Ramona! If you are looking for a good website to start with, I suggest going here.

A short definition : PDA technically stands for “pathological demand avoidance” but a lot of PDAers (including mine) prefer the terms Persistent Demand for Autonomy. For one, because it better explains what is happening, and for two it doesn’t use pathologizing language. Also—autonomy is a beautiful drive that often gets punished in high control settings, and I believe we can learn SO much from PDA autistics precisely because they have a higher drive for autonomy. Which seems pretty great for poking holes in totalist mindsets like capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, and Christian hegemony!

The way I understand PDA is that kids (and adults) with this subset of autism have a very finely tuned nervous system that is easily triggered by what others would call the “everyday demands of life.” School, work, caring for yourself . . . all of this can become difficult when you are in a highly anxious and highly activated state constantly. The level of anxiety that people with PDA are operating with is truly wild, and it isn’t their fault! It’s just how their bodies are wired. 

Some of the best resources out there for parents of PDA kids (or PDA folks themselves) all have to do with learning how to live a low-demand life (here’s a great post that talks about this a bit). Our family 100% lives a low-demand life and it has improved our quality of life SO MUCH. Plus, going low-demand means you can accommodate the PDA people in your life AND give a big eff-you to capitalism at the same time (which really wants us busy and working and stressed out). 

Anyway my kid is amazing and I’m really proud of this essay they sat down and wrote in one day!!!!!

It’s behind the paywall to protect Ramona’s privacy :) Thanks to everyone who supports this newsletter and makes this possible!