Hot Person Anxious-Yet-Hopeful Antifa Fall
a short little reflection on the changing of the seasons
It’s a season of change, transition, and starting over again. Today I'm sharing some of the ways my focus has been shifting, and how that might affect the D.L. Mayfield universe of Healing is My Special Interest and STRONGWILLED. We're still in process in many ways, but it felt like a good time to start thinking about what is next, and what might change. Not immediately. Not erratically. Just the slow evolution of beginning again, while retaining all that we are.
I haven’t known what to post here in a hot minute — luckily I have been able to pay amazing people to write guest posts for me — and that’s OK.
My special interest brain has been fully locked in and engaged with my work on the long-term impacts on people and society of religious authoritarianism. I have been hard at work on an investigative project focused on purity culture being linked to pedophile culture (the first post goes up next Monday on STRONGWILLED . . . which I am nervous and excited to share).
I have also been doing a few other creative projects on the side. I love talking about pop culture but have always felt like I needed someone else’s permission to dip my toe into those waters as a podcaster. But what am I waiting for? Society is crumbling, why can’t I record myself yapping about Superman and the hope it can give us for resisting authoritarianism? I’m the boss of my own life so why not put forth the energy I want to see in the world?
I have also been in a long, hot, slow summer filled with taking care of children and teenagers and their needs and fears and joys. It is the hardest, most rewarding work of my life to give children a safe and creative childhood when I was denied both of those things myself. But it also takes up about 75% of my total energy, and I am running on fumes.
I write, I research, I refill endless cups of water, I listen patiently as a child recaps an anime episode to me while I cook a meal and halfheartedly clean it up. I cry on random days thinking about how much I could use a mom right now. I snuggle with my partner and I take my dog on walks and some weeks I don’t even respond to a single text from a friend because I just don’t have the capacity to show up the way I want to show up for the people I love.
And then there is this little newsletter. This beautiful little space filled with thoughtful people on the journey of getting to know their true selves. I love it but I am also in the process of transitioning. A long hot summer and a long road ahead to defeating and resisting authoritarianism means I need to keep thinking about how to best use my energies how I can. Substack was a great fit for me in the beginning as I lost almost all of my freelancer opportunities and publishing contacts due to deconverting from Christianity and experiencing autistic burnout. I will write more soon about how much this community has meant to me, but for today I feel like honoring that reality while also naming that things are slowing down around here a bit.
In the next season of my life I will be writing and podcasting about all the topics we explore here, but shifting it more towards STRONGWILLED content. But don’t freak out. I am not going anywhere — but I am having some fun playing with how I want to show up these days and letting myself consider new possibilities. It’s a delicate balance of being visible, and of protecting and savoring my privacy. Of operating out of my autonomy, and prioritizing taking care of my own nervous system instead of just pushing through.
I am nothing if not adaptable (as these past 15 or so years of being a freelancer have shown me). I’ve pivoted several times between platforms and publishers and I expect I will continue to have to do this. I am also multifaceted — an activist, a creative, a caregiver, a disabled non-binary exvangelical with buttloads of religious trauma, a certified silly billy — and allowing myself my full expression of humanity is essential to my resisting fascism. Doing the work to stay weird, stay honest, and stay earnest? That’s antifa, baby!
As the hot days slowly dip into cooler weather, I’ve been thinking about how for the past few years I used this very newsletter to try and warn people that Christian fascism was coming for us all — and then it did. So what now? Now we are faced with the task of long-term resistance in our own unique spheres. I’m tired from being one of many canaries in the coal mine, but I am also weirdly glad to have everything out in the open finally.
I feel like my writing and activism is shifting, and I am paying attention to my intuition more and more. My work here at Healing is My Special Interest writing about late-diagnosed neurodivergence and healing from high-control environments fits into my wider goal of helping people connect to their true selves in order to resist authoritarianism, and I see people doing this work everywhere. Queer folks, autistic folks, people of color, immigrants and trans people . . . they are leading the way in resisting the boots coming for all of our necks. I honor them and I honor you, if you are doing this deep and heavy grief work laced with joy and pleasure (I know you are!).
For today, I have a few links to share about some projects I have been involved with:
If you want to watch me (or just listen) give a pep talk using Superman as my muse you can go here.
If you want to listen to me and Krispin talk about Dobson with some amazing religious trauma survivors go here.
If you want to support our work financially the best way currently is to support us on Patreon or subscribe to the STRONGWILLED Substack (we will be transferring the emails over to our next platform/landing space in a few months). On Patreon you get access to a bunch of extra podcasts episodes plus our amazing discord server.
And if you are local (or wanna take a short drive), come join us for a book club on September 28 on Suzanne Collins’ newest book, Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Talk about themes of resisting authoritarianism! The book club event is free but if you want to purchase a copy of the book just let me know (we have about 4 copies on hand).
Fascism is here in the midst of our chaotic caregiver lives and now we all get to decide how to show up at this moment. For me I am finding that it involves a balance of anger and whimsy and slowing down while also not pulling any punches. I want to be earnest and honest and human while also recognizing that my privacy is becoming increasingly precious to me. I want to yap about Superman and encourage folks to fight for a future where everyone can belong. I want to embrace the energy of the fool card in tarot, of starting over while carrying all that we have learned along the way.
I still have some banger guest essays to post here and I’m excited to share some more of my thoughts soon. But for today, as we transition into the fall season here in the Northern Hemisphere, I wanted to let you know about some upcoming changes and a slowing down of content here at HIMSI. It’s scary and hard to articulate change but it is also a time of reflecting and refining. Of acknowledging our reality while dreaming of a better world for us all.
As always, I am so glad we are in this mess together. And that we get to show up as our actual selves and operate as the wonderfully complex and limited creatures that we are. Much love from me to you — good riddance to Christian girl autumn, and hello to hot anxious-yet-hopeful antifa fall :)
Hot take, can you consider combining the two feeds/platforms into one?! I know I'd be happy to pay a few bucks more and just read all of it in one spot with a single subscription :) Whatever you do next, I know it will be interesting and important!