Honest, Creative, Talented, and Sad:
A list of all the folks and their projects who got me through 2023
Welcome to Healing is My Special Interest, the newsletter at the intersection of late-diagnosed autism and healing from high control religions. This is my annual best of 2023 post, and it’s heavy on the healing from high control religion, and not on learning about autism stuff. Which, sort of reflects my year! I will be taking a break from the newsletter for one week and will be back January 2nd excited to dig into how the HELL are we going to survive 2024? I have some ideas, and I’m excited to work them out with all of you. A big ol’ thanks to everyone who has made this newsletter possible, and for showing up here with your whole selves.
My 2023 best-of list is going to be pretty darn specific to ME and where I am at these days. I am going to share books, videos, bands and more from people who I believe are operating at the top of their game. Just full-bore, doing something they both love and are good at doing but committed to trying to make it better each year. You know, those kind of people. I currently am DEFINITELY not one of those people, but at least I am committed to discovering more about myself in order to harm other people less (and, you know, enjoy life a little bit). And most of these people seem like that is also what they are doing!
In years past I have read/done a ton of work on learning about all the injustices in the world. Somewhere around 2020 I reached a breaking point. I am now in a phase of life where I have to fill my brain and body with other realities and not JUST about injustice and inequality. So, this year really reflects that. 2023 continues to be a year where I am working very hard on wanting to be alive, and envisioning a future for myself, my family, and so many others where we can flourish despite everything. So with all of that said, here we go:
Honest Creative Talented and Sad: the folks who got me through 2023
Content Creators
Good Mythical Morning
Krispin and I watch the youtube show Good Mythical Morning almost every evening. This is a tradition we started during the pandemic, and it’s one we continue on. It’s hard to explain what it is, but I think it is basically the millennial version of The Tonight Show—you know, funny hosts who make us laugh consistently throughout the year and always give us a good time. You can tell Rhett and Link are extremely creative people, and they are always trying new things (and it doesn’t always work perfectly, which is also really refreshing to see!). They are also legit comedians! YouTube consistently gets overlooked as a place of creativity but it’s where SO many young people in particular are getting their media and entertainment, and I can’t recommend Good Mythical Morning enough as a fabulous place to land if you are looking for free, creative, hilarious, and good-hearted content. PLUS if you feel like going deeper you can check out Rhett and Link sharing their deconversion stories over on their podcast Ear Biscuits. Rhett’s story in particular was extremely influential in helping me sort out my feelings about Christianity (shout out to other people who were all in on a cult and then left it!). Each year since 2020 they come back and update their deconversion stories which is also really, really cool.
The Popcast with Knox and Jamie
The other most consistent voices in my ears are Knox and Jamie of the Popcast. I have been a big fan for years and this year I truly believe that the biggest bang for my buck when it comes to supporting creatives has to be the Popcast! I have been a BFOTS (best friend of the show) for several years now and they put out SO much content about things that “entertain but do not matter” and it is SO funny and interesting but not in a way that makes my brain start thinking about how the world is going to end and society is on the brink of collapse (IMPORTANT). It’s $8/month and truly much much more helpful to me than getting a venti frappuccino1 or whatever else I would spend my $8 on. Even if you don’t do that, their weekly (free) podcast episodes are amazing. Everyone needs a few public figures that they pretend are their best friends, right? Anyways, that’s how I feel about Knox and Jamie. In a year when I was processing so much shit and trauma, being able to laugh was a GIFT. They are truly operating at amazing levels of humor and heart, and their live shows are a joyous riot of humor and creativity. They are operating at all cylinders and I’m glad we all get to benefit from that.
Palestinian activists
How could I not put this on the list? When October 7th happened my world seemed to stop. I knew the cycles of violence that would be enacted would be horrific—and it has proven to be so beyond my wildest dreams. While I am struggling mightily not to give into binary thinking and catastrophic despair, it’s hard to not see how horrible authoritarian men promise peace through violence, and by playing on the fears of people. Palestinians throughout the years have been important voices for me to listen to2, and since October 7th I have been in awe of their fortitude, while also being heartbroken at how little our world seems to listen to them. I have also noticed that from the beginning, the voices with the most moral clarity I heard were from BIPOC folks, and specifically Black women. I also saw how they were attacked by folks who had bought into the lie that colonialism can keep anyone safe.
Since October 7th my own trauma and mental illness has been working overtime to convince me the world is full of traumatized people who will kill each other until there is no one else left to conquer. But the everyday folks posting about liberation, showing up to educate and dream of a different world—a world not run by men struggling to keep control through violence—keep me going. To every single person who has posted in support of of liberation, to every single person who has cultivated the skills to see past wartime propaganda, to every single person who seeks to connect to human and global thriving instead of ethnic and religious dominance—you are the ones who have given me the courage to keep going these past few months. People who cling to their ideologies and believe violence is the only way to be safe are in the minority. I know that now, and I hope you know that too. We who care about a global world are legion, and we won’t give up on demanding liberation for EVERYONE.
Romance authors
Hoooooo boy are you all ready for this section? Similar to me being more into comedians or creative content makers this year, I got REALLY into romance books. It’s hard to talk about what romance books I like because everyone’s tastes are different and mine probably don’t match up to yours. But this is a pretty common thing for people who grew up in purity culture or a high control religion that was obsessed with policing people’s sexuality—we find a lot of fun and comfort in exploring the various themes that romance novels trade in!
I grew up extremely sheltered and was really into Jane Austen, so this year I read a lot of books that were set in regency England but were much more explicitly about class (and the wretchedness of British hierarchical society) which was awesome on so many levels!3 My favorite authors who write in this specific genre are Olivia Atwood (so much amazing stuff about class/labor) and Mimi Matthews (her books are very sweet, but her gender-bent vampire Jane Eyre adaptation called John Eyre was surprisingly spooky and very gothic and I loved it!!!!!). I also really liked the book A Lady’s Guide to Fortune Hunting by Sophie Irwin.
I also got into slightly witchy books! My favorite was probably The Irregular Secret Society of Witches by Sangu Mandaana. India Holton’s books are also about witches and pirates and are nice and sexy in a sort of autistic way! The Witch of Wild Things by Raquel Vasquez Gilland was also really good and had and gave me all the feels.
For 2024 I am on a quest for romance books that include disability in some way or another. The book I cannot stop thinking about is Another Sign for Home, which is about a DeafBlind protagonist (escaping from a high control religion!!!!) and I feel like I learned SO much and it was incredibly impactful to me. So let me know if you have any recommendations!
Comedians:
Maria Bamford
I have always liked what I have seen of Maria Bamford, but her audiobook Sure I’ll Join Your Cult was a surprise sleeper hit for me this year. I have a special fondness for comedians reading their own material (Mindy Kaling and Tina Fey being two of the BEST) and this one goes right up there as well. Maria also does an incredible job of describing various forms of OCD including the kind I have—ethical OCD—so fun4! This kind of stuff is so rarely talked about, and for her to be able to make it funny was a real gift to me. It’s hilarious, perfect for a road trip or long commutes, and you might learn something about being a human in the process.
Mike Birbiglia
I feel like this guy is knocking it out of the park. I really appreciate his vibe, and his comedy specials consistently make me laugh. I haven’t watched his newest one yet on Netflix but I really, really enjoy his podcast called Working it Out. I love all the hilarious people he interviews and how Mike is always encouraging folks to be creative, try out new stuff, and look for themes and arcs that are funny but also REAL. My brain always feels energized to view the world through a creative lens instead of a despairing one after listening to this podcast, which is really really valuable to me! His recent interview with his good friend Pete Enns made me laugh out loud so hard I embarrassed myself on a neighborhood walk.
Lindy West
Lindy is the person who wrote the book Shrill, which was turned into a delightful TV show. She also used to write these incredible scorched-earth essays that I devoured greedily. Now she writes an incredibly funny substack—it is worth the price alone to get her hilarious commentary on various movies like Never Been Kissed and Midsommer.
I was able to go see her do a comedy show a few months ago called Every Castle Ranked and I just truly love creative people who are angry and funny and silly!!!! I find it very inspiring, and it’s nice to feel inspired to be weirder than you already are, ammiright? She also has a great new podcast out with her best friend called Text Me Back and it is super silly and slightly political and definitely feels like you are listening to two smart and hilarious best friends chatter away. Which I love!
Therapists and/or healers
This is another big category for me this year. I have spent a lot of time over the past two decades immersing myself in activist/social justice type stuff and while there are so many positive elements to that—it also has taken its toll on me. Since 2020 I have struggled more and more with wanting to be alive, and have had to make some changes in regards to the firehose of bad news I usually partake in. This year (like last) was full of reading/learning/listening from people who my nervous system could sense were safe people. Most of them were people who had some kind of an embodied approach to healing. Meaning, we can’t just think our way into feeling better (or being better people—which used to be my singular focus). So anyways, here are my standouts from the past year:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature People
My year started off strong by immersing myself in multiple books by Lindsey C. Gibson and I continue to reap the benefits from learning how to heal and set boundaries with EI parents (and other people too!). I feel like Gibson’s work gave me the first tools necessary for learning how to take my own body and feelings seriously in relation to folks I had been conditioned to appease since birth. It has been so helpful to me, and I continue to see positive results from implementing her work into my life! Also we had a great book club and discussion about it here at Healing is My Special Interest!
Kai Cheng Thom
I was introduced to Kai Cheng’s work through the Embody Lab. I did a several month-long course through the Embody Lab and it was SO helpful to me to be exposed to some of the best somatic therapists out there. Kai Chang impressed me with every session she led and when she published a book of poetry this year called Falling Back in Love With Being Human I snapped it right up—and it is incredible! She is an integrated blend of somatic therapist and creative mind—bringing her whole self and background into her surprising, gorgeous, and soul-shifting work. If you ever get a chance to hear her speak, I highly recommend it!
No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz
A bunch of people in this community have mentioned Internal Family Systems and that they have found it to be such a helpful framework for them for healing. It’s like inner child work but different? I was told by my therapist quite awhile ago I might like it, but I got an IFS workbook and couldn’t really get into it. Then a few weeks ago I downloaded the audiobook for No Bad Parts, which is written by the guy who pioneered IFS work named Richard Schwartz. While non-fiction audio books rarely work for me, this one DID. Schwartz himself narrates the portions of the book where you are supposed to do some exercises where you meet/identify various “parts” of yourself. It really helped to have the audiobook guiding me, or else I might have just . . . never done the exercises. But I did and WOW. They were incredibly powerful and insightful, and I immediately made Krispin do them too (he also is now super into it / finds it very powerful!). If I could give this book to everyone and have them do the exercises I think I would feel so much better about the world. The first few chapters are basically a humanist manifesto and how by learning to accept ourselves we can actually work towards a more healed society gave me hope in the future for the first time in a long, long time. Stay tuned for me to talk more about this, because it is going to be our Late Winter/Early Spring book club pick!!!!!
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
For anyone looking for some help on the road to not being at war with your body anymore I highly recommend this book. It is intersectional and steeped in a vision for the future that is not ruled by white supremacy, fatphobia, and disconnection from our physical selves.
My Somatic Therapist
I did something really scary for me this year and started seeing an in-person somatic therapist. I met her when she hosted a grief processing group for COVID and I loved it so much I decided to take the plunge. Because of my history in religion and charismatic settings I was SO nervous to do anything that involved body work, because I was scared I would feel pressure to connect to my body in ways I didn’t want to (thanks, years of forced prayer sessions!). My somatic therapist has been incredible for this anxious, awkward autistic person to slowly get more in touch with my own body. It’s hands-down the best thing I have done for myself, and learning how to use my today body as a resource and place of grounding and comfort is EVERYTHING. It makes everything so much more doable, when my body and emotions are not something to disconnect from or squash down!
Past/Present/Future favs
Past
My favorite book on history / the past I read this year is hands down The Gospel of J. Edgar Hoover by Lerone A. Martin. And I read a TON of books on fascism, so this is saying a lot! Lerone starts off the book by detailing how he had to sue the FBI in order to get access to their (supposedly) public access files on Billy Graham. He eventually wins the fight and gets access to never-before-revealed information on the FBI and their relationship with evangelical Christians. It is damning as all get out, especially when it comes to Christianity Today and the cozy relationship so many evangelicals enjoyed with Hoover. It’s also eye-opening to see how much power Hoover has held in America (and for SO MANY DECADES), making him much more influential than any single president we have ever had.
Present
My favorite person writing on the internet for this present moment we find ourselves in is a tie between two folks. The first is Bradley Onishi, who launched a podcast network called Axis Mundi Media that is putting out such incredible content right now. Some of the information is triggering, but all of the podcasts I have heard from Axis Mundi have done a lot of work to make them accessible and not overwhelming. This is probably where the best conversations I’ve ever heard on Christian nationalism / Christian fascism are happening, imo. Follow Brad and Axis Mundi and listen to the voices he is platforming!
The second is Joshua P. Hill, who I found because of his work writing about labor and unions, but who has since become one of the foremost voices of the Jewish left. His Substack is incredible, and is a great follow on whatever social media platform you enjoy. I worry for Joshua these days and hope for peace and comfort for him and all the Jewish activists who are on the frontlines of this wretched, horrible, colonialist propaganda war we are experiencing here in the US.
Future
When I think of the future I think of hopecore folks who are excited about a future that is disabled, queer, diverse, anticapitalist and decolonized. And people who are nerds about science and stopping the trend towards violence and extinction that human beings are currently ensnared in. When I think about someone who has done the hard work of turning their sights to the future I think of Tori Williams Douglass. I appreciate her frank insights but even more so I appreciate her transparent belief that there is something in the future worth fighting for. There is a humanity that learns how to be connected to themselves and to each other. I love everything she is doing and I truly cannot wait to see what is next from her. So make sure you follow her on social media and support her on Patreon!
Rapid fire favorites:
Dolly Parton
This lady rocked it at some football intermission thing recently and I was incredibly impressed once again how she manages to use all the ways possible to give people a good time, take a bunch of their money, and then immediately give it all away and build into her community. She is the blueprint for how to not become a billionaire and I adore her more and more each year. And don’t even get me started on her literacy education programs!!!! This lady is a dream.
Taskmaster
This past season of Taskmaster was truly excellent, it’s a great way to be introduced to new comedians. Some of the contestants from this year really did give of the autism vibe, and I loved every second of it.
Taco Bell’s spicy potato tacos
Have you ever had a spicy potato taco from Taco Bell? They are so cheap and SO GOOD. They cure my depression, every time.
My child’s Spotify favorite emo bands
My 13yo listens to a wide variety of music but my Spotify only seems to hang on to the indie bands they listen to. I seriously love it all! The quirky little depressed emo kid in me is having a sort of renaissance, thanks to Ramona’s tastes in music. Here are some of my fav bands: Mitski Jack Stauber, Mother Mother, the Rawrs, Cavetown, Lemondemon.
People who review things
You know who I love? People who share about the books, shows, food and drinks that they love. I think it’s one of the best parts to come out of social media—this urge to connect with other people by talking about what we liked and what we liked about it. I love it when folks post this stuff because it makes me feel connected to humanity. So in 2024 let’s keep doing that, ok?
Wolfwalkers
Really, this is about any movie in the Irish animated trilogy (that includes The Book of Kells and Song of the Sea). But I think Wolfwalkers is particularly suited for this time in our history. It’s a story of colonization, and high control religion, and what it takes to leave the empire state of mind. It’s about the Irish being colonized by England. It’s about why people in power fear wildness and indigenous ways of being, and how they are intent on silencing all of those who question their exploitation of the earth. I so identified with the main character of Robyn, who is the child of a colonizer who must reckon with what it means to betray her father and the ways he has tried to protect her. It’s so poignant, and truly the perfect movie for processing some religious trauma and colonizer shit! Ireland has been pretty amazing in their support for Palestine and this movie will give you a lot of insight into why liberation is a cultural value that I desperately wish the leaders of the US would adopt.
The color green
You got me through a lot this year, green. I love you.
Bob’s Burgers
It’s just such a perfect comfort show. You can watch it with your family or while you are falling asleep at night. Plus, they are all neurodivergent, there is a lot of playing with gender, and Bob and Linda are great examples of two people from dysfunctional families making their own home a safe space for their kids. I love it!!!
And that’s a wrap on 2023! It’s been a terrible year politically and 2024 is looking to be even worse. SO I hope we can all take a moment to think about what truly helped us in 2023 and what energy we want to take into the new year. It might get really tough, but I think we are in some of the hardest days right now. A lot is being revealed, and the people in power are scared of us. Scared of us doing the work to connect with ourselves and each other on a level that transcends ethnic, religious, cultural, and global divisions. So let’s keep doing more of that and making these rich men quake in their mansions!
Much love to you all, and thanks for supporting this little piece of my heart. I hope you find moments of peace, calm, and connection to your body and feelings during this holiday season. I’m rooting for you, I really truly am.
Let me know in the comments some of the people/places/things that got you through 2023!
keep boycotting starbucks y’all! And subscribe to podcasts and newsletters you like instead (or invest in local and inclusive coffee shops, of course).
My favorite book on Palestine I have ever read is a book of oral histories called Palestine Speaks. I actually recommend every single book in the Voice of Witness oral history projects, but obviously this one is extremely relevant to today. I follow some of the voices mentioned in the book on instagram and it has been beyond heartbreaking to see them process the destruction of Gaza in real time.
Most of the romance books I read do not have a ton of open door sexy times, not that I am opposed to that. I guess my kink is being explicit about class/hierarchies/the patriarchy and how they negatively impact us all?????
Readers, I regret to inform you that it is not actually SO FUN to have ethical OCD (or OCD of any flavor). It IS however fun to make fun of OCD when you are not fighting for your life.
What a delightful read! My therapy list from this year exactly mirrors yours; same books read, same type of therapy. I listened to no bad parts on audio too! I have found going forward that my process is more nonverbal than the dialogues facilitated in the book, but still found them super helpful. One other very helpful therapy read for me is Our Polyvagal World by Stephen Porges and Seth Porges. It’s the book on polyvagal theory I had been looking for--it offers the meat of the theory without feeling like an academic text on neurobiology (which I just don’t have the capacity for right now).
I could definitely bring more comedy into 2024, so I look forward to checking out your recommendations. And the history! Now I really want to get my hands on the Gospel According to Hoover book. And I’m sure Tori Williams Douglas’s patreon was mentioned in your podcast interview, but somehow I missed it. I’ve been wanting a way to connect more with her work since your interview, so I’m so glad you highlighted her patreon account here.
Somehow your brief mention of people who review things reminds me of a subtle shift in my relationship to capitalism. I think most of us have no idea how much capitalism has taken from us--losses we don’t even know how to quantify or name. If buying things I like fills a fraction of that space, I’m not really feeling shame for that any more. I think of this a lot in relation to my PDA daughter, for whom novelty is regulating. Capitalist society makes so little room for our PDA kids, I just not going to feel shame for our weekly trips to the dollar store to fill her joy tank. We can work to subvert capitalism and actively co-imagine better worlds and buy stuff we like (this is also coming from someone whose income has wiggle room for creative agency but not much surplus. Learning to budget without shame, as a way of returning agency to myself to creatively shape my slice of the world, has been a major shift for me over the last couple years).
This is great, D.L.! I also love a good list.
On a random tangent, I saw this NYT story and TOTALLY thought of you! It's about a Jewish man named Curt Bloch who hid from the Nazis in a Dutch attic, and during that time he made 95 issues of a satirical newsletter called The Underwater Cabaret, containing original art, poetry, and music. It was 100% a 'zine and it's just breathtaking to me. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/18/arts/design/dutch-resistance-ww2-magazine-holocaust.html